


sugar, sugar & everything sugar

by lacunia



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Baking, Cooking, Crack Treated Seriously, During Canon, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Animal Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Neil Josten Bakes, POV Neil Josten, Seth Gordon Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29014485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacunia/pseuds/lacunia
Summary: Neil comes to The Foxhole Court to do one thing: play Exy. But with the stress of avoiding Andrew's interest, meeting Kevin's expectations, and keeping his real identity a secret, he picks up an old habit: baking.
Relationships: Matt Boyd & Neil Josten, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Seth Gordon & Neil Josten
Comments: 58
Kudos: 189





	1. the foxhole court

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i enjoyed writing about neil baking in my tall twinyards series so i wrote this :)  
> warnings are in the tags!  
> next chapter out tomorrow!

**Ⅰ**

It had started when he was a child.

Nathan and his inner circle had been out on a 'business trip', and Mary had shoved Neil in the kitchens with the workers, telling him to stay. She had vanished and Nathaniel had watched her go, confused about what to do. His father wasn't usually out much, but when he was Mary and Nathaniel usually spent the days together, with Mary working in the garden and Nathaniel talking to the wildlife. It may have been a desperate attempt at normality, but at least it had given Nathaniel a sense of schedule. Until Mary decided to leave him, and then the schedule was messed up.

Nathaniel had looked around, perplexed and puzzled. He had no idea what to do in the kitchens. The workers were busy cooking, and most didn't even spare him a glance. Nathaniel looked up at them, and looked at the closed door. He wanted to go after his mother. He wanted to have a conversation with the squirrel that sometimes come by. He wanted to find a cool rock and hold it in the middle of his palm.

He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder, and he spun around. A young woman with a messy tangle of blonde hair and kind, golden hazel eyes gazed down at him. She immediately moved her hand when he jumped, and she slowly knelt down in front of him. Nathaniel took a step back and looked over his shoulder at the door again.

"Hello," She said softly. Her eyes gazed over him, and they froze when they landed on his hands. Fresh small cuts grazed the chubbiness of his fingers from his last lesson, bandages wrapped around his wrists, protecting the new scabs. There was a small bruise along his temple from where his head had collided against the basement floor.

Her smile wavered where it sat on her face. She said, "I'm Beverly. Nathaniel, right?"

He knew better than to tell her he hated the name more than anything, so he nodded. Beverly held a hand out and asked, "Do you want to help make some brownies?"

Nathaniel nodded again. The sun coming through the windows shone on her palm, making it glow. He hesitantly and slowly put his hand in hers, and she gently tugged him further into the kitchens.

He couldn't do much with his hands the way they were, but Beverly didn't seem to mind. She helped him when she saw him struggling, and gave him tips and said nice things when he did something correct. Nobody ever said nice things to Nathaniel, so it was odd and it made everything seem alright.

After the brownies finished Beverly ate one and Nathaniel didn't because he had never liked sweets or chocolates. The smile on his face was enough for him. He had done something. He had _created_ something. Beverly ruffled his hair, and they had went to give a piece of the brownie to the squirrel outside.

The day went on to be the best day of his childhood, even when his mother had came to retrieve him and his father had returned that night.

**Ⅱ**

Neil can't sleep.

It's his first night at Fox Tower, and he's just gotten back from dinner downtown with the upperclassman, and no matter how hard he tries, Neil can't stop seeing his father's eyes, can't stop hearing Lola's laugh and can't stop smelling the scent of gasoline and smoke and the ocean.

He silently stands up. Years of learning how to be quiet allow him to silently maneuver into the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water and stares out the window in the dorm, where he, Seth and Matt must have forgotten to put the blind down.

Neil stares out at Palmetto through the window, wondering what the fuck he's doing. He should run. He _needs_ to run. Phantom hands yank at his hair, and a ghostly voice snarls, _stupid, stupid boy!_ Neil puts the water on the counter and tugs at his hair with both hands, and a breath finally fights it's way out of his mouth.

He blinks once, twice and imagines messy hair, golden eyes and a kind face. Neil slowly turns around to face the cupboards. His hands itch and then twitch. He hasn't baked in forever, but some part of him screams at him to do it. He could. Neil remembers all the recipes Beverly taught him, the words ingrained in his mind the same way his promises to Mary are. Neil breathes. He blinks.

He starts making brownies.

**Ⅲ**

Neil has made too many brownies.

He doesn't know what time it is, but he knows it must be early because the sun is starting to make it's way up. He isn't tired yet--his body is used to staying up for way longer. The smell of chocolate is heavy in the air, enough to make Neil feel sick, but the itch in his hands has finally stopped and he feels lighter somehow, like a weight has been lifted.

Matt had slept through his cooking, but at one point Seth had stepped out his bedroom, hair in all directions and one eye closed. Neil had froze with a wooden spoon stabbed into the mixing bowl and Seth had stared at him and then murmured, "Weird ass dream," before he had stumbled back into bed.

Neil stares down at his food. He has four cooling racks set up, each with about twenty brownies on them. He has made eighty brownies, and he doesn't know what to do with them. He certainly doesn't want to eat them all, but he doesn't want to tell Seth and Matt about them either because, well.

Because he just _doesn't_. He's not ashamed of his hobby, or anything, but...he just doesn't want them to know. Aside from Exy, it's the only thing about Neil that's ever been _real_ and he just doesn't need or want people knowing. He wants to guard it with all he has.

Neil packs the brownies into plastic containers. He could just sit them outside somewhere and leave them for somebody else to find, but then they could also never be found and he then he can practically hear his mother rolling in her grave at the thought of Neil wasting food.

However, if he just takes them to the college café then he won't have to worry about the food never being eaten. It's early enough for no one to be there, so he can sneak in and just leave the food somewhere in the kitchen without anyone knowing what he's done.

Neil quickly and silently cleans up and sprays some air fresher in the air to get rid of the chocolate smell so Matt and Seth don't suspect anything, and then he stacks the containers on one another. He holds them in his arms and has to uncomfortably crane his chin upwards to keep them in place, but it's worth it since he successfully goes through with his plan without anybody finding out.

Everyone's still asleep when he returns and Neil showers away the smell of the eighty brownies he made, and though Seth keeps on eyeing him suspiciously and smelling the air in the morning and Matt keeps glancing at his eyebags, neither ask him anything, so Neil doesn't say anything.

**Ⅳ**

It's during their first week of practices that Neil decides to make kiss biscuits.

He's still figuring out the whole hierarchy of the Foxes, and with Exy, which usually is a stress-reliever, being tainted by the constant arguing and fighting during practices, he turns back to baking again. Matt's out with Dan and Seth's somewhere Neil doesn't care to know, so he's alone in the dorm.

He doesn't have all the ingredients for the baking this time though, so he'll have to head to the store downtown, which will hardly take a moment if he's quick. Neil reaches the shop in a few minutes and looks around inside. It's a relatively small convivence store with all the random bits and pieces, and it's in the afternoon so it has a few customers, but none of them are familiar to Neil.

He makes his way around, grabbing some caster sugar, raspberry jam, sprinkles, butter and vanilla essence. Their dorm also needs more milk as well, so Neil grabs a carton as well as a loaf of bread. He takes it all to the counter and stands in silence as the cashier scans his things, neither of them bothering with small talk.

As he goes to leave the cashier murmurs out a, "Have a nice day," and Neil glances over his shoulder at them--at the wrong time too, apparently, because Neil nearly crashes straight into Andrew in that second of looking away.

He stops in time, a breath from Andrew's face, and they stare at each other. A grin quickly stretches across Andrew's face and he claps once, exclaiming, "Neil!"

His greeting catches the interest of the rest of Andrew's lot, as they all turn in usion. Kevin looks annoyed, as always, Aaron looks bored, as always, and Nicky looks excited to see him, as always.

"Hey, Neil," Nicky says, "You getting some things for the upperclassmen tonight?"

Before Neil can answer, Andrew gasps dramatically and replies to Nicky for him, "No, Nicky! You can't ask Neil that. He probably hasn't been invited!"

Neil realizes they must be talking about the movie night the upperclassmen are having tonight in the girls dorm. He ignores Andrew and addresses Nicky, "No. We needed milk."

"Almond milk, I hope," Kevin says seriously. Neil resists the urge to deck him. "We need you in top shape for the season, otherwise you'll never catch up."

Nicky interrupts whatever rant Kevin is about to begin, "I don't think you have to worry about Neil going out of shape, Kevin," He says, looking at Neil's legs meaningfully. He's only wearing short running shorts and a top with a baggy hoodie over it, the shorts concealed by the end of the hoodie which reaches the area of his thighs. His hands are hidden by the sleeves of the jumper, and Neil would have felt silly but he can't find it in himself to care all that much.

Kevin glances at Nicky and then, surprisingly, actually observes Neil's legs. He opens and closes his mouth and turns back to the shelf he was looking over.

Before anyone else can say anything, Neil pushes past the group and leaves the store to the sound of Andrew saying, "Run, Rabbit, Run, Rabbit!" He can hear Aaron yelling at Andrew to shut up when he continues singing the _run, run, run_ part.

Neil returns back to the dorm and settles his things on the counter. He quickly unpacks his groceries and starts baking the kiss biscuits. He washes his hands and then preheats the oven to 180C and stirs the sugar and butter together quickly, making it well combined. He adds the flour, vanilla, bicarbonate of soda and eggs and starts to watch an Exy match on the television as he viscously mixes and kneads the mixture until it's a dough.

Neil prepares the baking trays while the dough refrigerates for thirty minutes, and accidentally drops one of the trays when a striker on the tv misses a shot. The match is over by the time he gets the dough out of the fridge, and then he watches some unrealistic action move that has an ad every five minutes while he rolls the dough in more flour.

All in all, it's calming and, thank god, a stress reliever, to cut and roll out the shapes, bake them for ten minutes and cool them for longer. He's halfway through carefully icing one of the biscuits when the door bursts open and the familiar forms of Matt and Seth walk in.

"It's not my fault she's such a--!" Seth is saying, but he cuts off when he takes in the scene in front of him. Beside him, Matt also cuts off from what he's about to say, and all three of them stare at one another--Neil, hunched over the counter close enough to a biscuit that his nose is nearly touching it; Matt, mid-waving his hands exasperatedly; And Seth, for once his usual sneer replaced with a shocked look.

"Uhm," Matt says, "Hi?"

Neil blinks and sets the biscuit down on the cooling rack. He wipes his hands down on his apron and says, "Hi."

Seth snaps out of his stupor. "I knew it! I knew I smelt brownies the other day!" He jabs a finger at Neil, "Why didn't you tell me I wasn't dreaming, you little shit?"

"You didn't ask," Neil replies and Matt waves his hands around.

"Woah, woah, woah, what? Brownies?" Matt asks. He looks heartbroken.

Seth nods several times rapidly, "This little fucker's been baking and he's been holding out on us! I came out the other night and saw him with the mixing bowl but thought I'd been dreaming."

Matt looks at Neil, eyes wide, "You've been hiding brownies, man?"

Neil blinks. He looks between them both. Puts his hands on his waist. Blinks some more. Says, "Yes." Because he doesn't know what else to say. Seth and Matt look at him and Seth raises his eyebrows as if he expects him to elaborate. Neil frowns and adds, "I...have been making brownies."

Matt jabs a finger to the kiss biscuits, which Neil is still only halfway through icing. Matt says, "Are those kiss biscuits?"

"I..." Neil looks at his biscuits. He's not particularly happy about the two upperclassmen finding out about his hobby, but he's not. He's not as upset as he thought he would be. The team already knows one thing about him; he lives and breathes Exy. They didn't need to know about his baking too--but, well, that's just the thing, isn't it? It's just...baking. He knows there's only two things that make him, whoever _he_ is, real, and that he wants to keep baking as close to his heart as possible, but. Well.

It's just baking. It's not like they're ripping open his brain and reading all his thoughts and finding out his past and dead-end future. Neil supposes he can share one more thing with his teammates.

Neil looks back over to his roommates and nods. "Yes. They're kiss biscuits."

Seth looks to the biscuits. He obviously wants one but some part of him also still doesn't like or trust Neil. Apparently his hunger wins out because he launches forward and snatches one from the cooling rack. He sighs, "Oh, sweet son of Jesus. I haven't had homemade baking since I left for college," He goes to shove it in his mouth but Neil swipes it away and sets it back down on the rack, neatly placing it so the rows of the biscuits have order again.

"No," Neil says, "I have to ice them _all_ first."

" _Why?_ "

Neil slaps his hand away when he reaches for it again. "Because I do. Sit down and you can have them in a few minutes."

Sulkily, Seth sits down on one of the counter stools. He mutters something dark under his breath and Matt joins him on the next stool over, and Neil can feel their gazes burning holes into his head as he returns to his task. It takes five more minutes to neatly finish the icing, jam spreading and sprinkling of the biscuits, and he stacks some on a plate and places the rest in some plastic containers.

He doesn't need to take them to the café and hide them this time, so Neil puts the containers in the cupboard and turns back to Seth and Matt. They watch eagerly as he places the plate on the counter, and he slides it over to them. Seth reaches for one immediately but Matt bats his hand away.

Seth and Neil look at Matt. Matt looks at Neil expectantly. When he makes no gesture to move, Matt waves his hand vaguely, "Mum always said the cook should get first taste."

"Well, _my_ ma said, and I quote, "get them first before your fuckhead siblings," Seth goes to grab another one but Matt easily wounds his arms around Seth's head and grabs him in a headlock. Seth tries to wrestle out of his grip, but he's no match for Matt.

Matt pets Seth's hair and says, "Of course she did," before he turns back to Neil and nods to the biscuits. Neil shakes his head and replies with, "No, I don't like sweets."

Matt blinks at Neil and Seth stops attempting to bite him. Matt releases Seth and the latter sits up. He rubs a hand through his hair and asks, "Why?"

Neil thinks of his mothers hands in his hair forcing him to eat canned vegetables. He thinks of the kids at the schools he went to, eating chocolate and lollies and cupcakes, and remembers the scent driving him crazy with sickness. He thinks of Beverly and her cooking, the kitchen smell disgusting him but a familiar comfort all the same.

"Just don't." Neil says and shrugs, turning his back to them. He starts cleaning and ignores the compliments he receives from the eager upperclassmen as they tear through the plate. He washes his hands and towel-dries them after he's done packing up, and turns back to his roommates when Seth makes a noise.

"Where are the brownies?" He asks.

Neil replies, "I donated them to the café the other day."

Matt frowns, "Why didn't you just put them away?"

Neil knows responding, 'you guys couldn't know more about me', is a less than appropriate response, so he opts for saying nothing. Seth scoffs and stands up briskly. He marches over to the cupboard, tears it open and grabs the containers with the kiss biscuits. He doesn't even have to tiptoe as he places them on the top shelf. He looks back at Matt and Neil, victorious.

"What?" Neil asks, and Seth tuts.

"Now you can't even reach them, you short bastard, so you can't 'donate' them to the café," Seth puts his hands on his hips, "It's for your own good."

Neil looks him and then pointedly to the dining chairs. "Oh, boy, I wonder if we have an item or piece of furniture called a chair--you may have heard of it, but I won't count on it; a chair has four legs and is usually made of wood, used for sitting comfortably. I can also drag one over and stand on it to reach the top shelf. That would be helpful." Neil cocks his head at Seth and places the hand towel on the counter, walking out of the kitchen with the intent of having a shower.

As he closes the bathroom door he hears Seth say, "What'd I tell you? Attitude problem."

Later, when Neil is in the kitchen getting a glass of water before bed, Matt slips into the dark room. Neil waits for him to speak, and Matt shoves his hands deep into his pockets.

"We won't...we won't say anything, if you don't want us to, man," Matt says quietly, and there's a pause of silence in which the two hear Seth loudly sleep talk from his bedroom, saying something about a football game.

Neil tilts his head to the side and looks away from Matt and to the glass of water filling up in front of him. It takes him two tries to get a small, "Thank you," out, and Matt smiles at him, the gesture slightly pained. Matt turns and heads to his bedroom, and Neil turns the tap off.

**Ⅴ**

Columbia happens, and Neil hitchhikes his way back to Palmetto and tells Andrew a story so close to the truth it rips him apart from the inside out. It's Sunday now, and Neil's mostly trying to forget the whole night ever happened, but Matt still insists on being mad, bordering on murderous, over it. Seth got bored over the whole situation after the peaceful resolution it took.

Right now, Seth and Matt are sitting on the counter stools yet again, watching Neil cook. He's baking red velvet cupcakes, and he has to have Matt's laptop open to a tab called _Sally's Baking Addiction_ to help him with the recipe as he doesn't quite remember.

"I mean--" Matt is saying as Neil starts spooning the batter into the cupcake liners, "I just don't get why we can't just not have jobs and just. Just live in the forest and trade pumpkins and potatoes or something."

Seth shakes his head and takes a massive bite from his burger. Neil watches in disgust as a piece of beetroot slides down his mouth and sticks to his chin. Seth points at Neil and viscously says through the food in his mouth, "Don't look at me in that tone."

Neil turns back to his cupcake batter, and Seth replies to Matt, "Because, like, the economy, you idiot. Someone could learn to grow _both_ potatoes and pumpkins and then people wouldn't be able to trade things."

Matt falls quiet, and Neil finishes spooning the batter into the liners. He has to bend down to put the pan in the oven, but he nearly doubles over from the sudden pain in his side. He clutches at his hip and lets the pan fall back onto the counter, grabbing the side of it for support.

Matt is at his side so fast Neil almost jumps in surprise when his hands help him back onto his feet. "You alright, man?" He questions, eyes assessing over Neil quickly.

Neil nods and slips out his hold with ease, as it isn't tight. He goes to put the pan back in the oven again, but Matt does it for him. Neil still hasn't given him an answer, so he says, "I'm fine."

"Looks it," Seth snarks, and Neil busies himself with cleaning up his mess so he won't have to meet the upperclassmen's gouging looks.

"What happened to your hip?" Matt asks.

Neil replies, "Nothing."

Seth says, "Bullshit," and takes another huge bite of his lunch. Matt spares him a glance before returning his attention to Neil.

Neil figures it will be easier to tell Matt what happened rather than have to be receiving that odd, worried look and says, "Andrew shoved me down the stairs in Columbia. I just landed on my hip weirdly, that's all."

Matt snarls, "I'll kill him."

"Amen," Seth says, licking grease off his fingers. He nods to Neil, "Actually, I'll kill Kevin. I hate Kevin."

"We know," Neil replies drily, "You may have mentioned it during your fiftieth court brawl this week."

Seth cracks his knuckles, "About to be fifty-one, little dude. Just say the word."

"Cheers, I'll drink to that," Matt reaches over and shoves a whole kiss biscuit in his mouth, and Neil blinks at them both before turning his back on them to continue cleaning.

The three are silent for a moment before Matt suddenly says to Seth, "Wait, what if you don't have the right soil to grow the pumpkins and _also_ the potatoes? Then you could just trade them."

Seth stares at Matt and then shakes his head, "Shut the fuck up, Matt."

Neil sighs and starts washing the wooden spoon he used to stir the batter. This is his life now.

**Ⅵ**

Neil rubs a hand over his eyes as he stumbles out of the bedroom. It's who-knows-how-late and he has to go to the toilet. He somehow makes his way into the loungeroom and is heading towards the bathroom, navigating in the pitch-black darkness, and is almost there when he stops and stares at the shape on the couch.

The television has no volume and is on a low brightness, showing what looks to be a nature documentary following a snake. Matt has three blankets shoved around him, and Neil can see his side profile, which shows his wide, unseeing eyes. His mouth has icing all around it as he shoves another red velvet cupcake into his mouth.

Neil stares at Matt staring at the television for a few minutes, unsure of what to do. He hasn't even realized Matt knows he's there until he asks Neil, not looking away from the snake documentary, "Do you want to join us?"

"Us?" Neil questions. He doesn't see Seth anywhere, so he turns to look around only to nearly scream his heart out. Seth is standing behind him, staring down at him with, like Matt, unseeing eyes. Neil must have been so focused on Matt that he hadn't even heard Seth walk up behind him.

"Us," Seth confirms, and Neil doesn't resist as he drags him over onto the couch. Matt opens his blanket up and consumes the two of them and they all watch the documentary silently.

The silence is only disturbed as Seth uses one hand to pet the soft, fluffy blanket he's using and the other to pet Neil's hair, his voice light and off-tune while he starts to sing.

" _Sweet Caroline,_ " Seth doesn't blink or look away from the tv, and Neil watches him with wide eyes, " _Dun, dun, dun._ "

As the night continues and the red velvet cupcakes are absorbed by the two upperclassmen and Neil sinks further and further into the safety of the blankets, he wonders if he accidentally put something in the cupcakes, if his roommates are possessed or if they're just...like this, for some reason.

In the morning the two act like nothing happened, and Neil's too traumatized to bring it up.

**Ⅶ**

Kevin's at the door and Neil is lucky enough to get there before Matt and Seth. Kevin had tried to get Neil the other day but Matt and Seth had both nearly strangled him, and so the Exy star had instead told him at practice that the next time Kevin came for him, Neil was to follow.

Neil has no idea what is going on, and kind of wonders if it is some sort of trick to get Neil to follow Kevin so he and Andrew can bury him alive somewhere. But he also thinks it has something to do with Exy, so it's worth the risk.

Neil holds an arm out to stop his roommates from bulldozing Kevin over, saying, "I'll be back later." Kevin nods, self-satisfied, and Seth gains an ugly look.

"Are you stupid?" Seth demands, and Matt nods in agreement.

"Yeah," Neil replies. He knows his 'I'll be back later,' won't stop them , so he brings out a bargaining trip that he knows Kevin won't care enough to tell anyone about. "I'll make the double choc chip cookies you were talking about if you continue watching the movie without me."

Matt opens his mouth to immediately disagree but then he closes it. His face turns conflicted and Seth mutters, "Low blow, man."

Neil takes the opportunity and closes the door behind him and Kevin and they start walking in silence, which is ruined by Kevin's awkward attempt at small talk.

"You can cook?" Kevin asks.

"Let's not do this." Neil replies, and they don't.

**Ⅷ**

Matt's left the dorm to Neil and Seth after they both mentioned they didn't expect to make a future out of playing with the Foxes, likely frustrated with their close-mindedness. What Matt doesn't know is that it's not that Neil doesn't think people can go pro after playing with the Foxes, it's just that Neil, quite literally, is going to be dead soon so there's no point to thinking about the future.

Thinking about his likely horrifying and gruesome death is enough to make Neil sick, so he distracts himself with baking those cookies he mentioned to Matt and Seth earlier in the week.

At some point during his mixing Seth makes his way into the kitchen and onto one of the stools. He's went through quite a few beers. He looks sorry for himself and has a furrow between his brows. Neil glances at him more and more as he goes through more alcohol, and finally has enough when Seth starts blinking sleepily.

Neil snatches the beer can from his hand and swipes it into the bin, replacing the can with a glass of ice water. Seth stares down at it and then up at Neil, who waves a hand at him, annoyed.

"You remind me of my brother," Seth says, and he takes a sip of his water. Neil freezes. He's not supposed to be anything, so how can he remind Seth of somebody? Seth continues, "Short like you and a prick like you."

Neil slowly starts to stir another batch of cookies, listening to Seth babble. He calms his thoughts. He's nothing and will always be nothing, and that's all he needs right now, even if he yearns for more. Anything more.

"He was." Seth takes a deep breath that sounds like it shakes him from the inside out. The electricity sound coming from the televisions wires is loud and rings in Neil's ears. "He was a good kid."

Neil turns to face him. "What happened to him?"

Seth blinks at him. His eyes are red-rimmed. He looks away and says, "I. I should have been there. My father hit him a little too hard and he...I should have..." Seth takes a large gulp of his water and puts his palm against his forehead. He squeezes his eyes closed. Continues with a stuttering, "I should have been there. I knew da was heavy handed but I didn't. I didn't think he'd _kill_ him."

Neil closes his eyes and sets the bowl on the counter. He opens his eyes and goes to speak but Seth starts talking again, saying, "I was the only one who cried. No one else...no one else gave two shits about Micha and he deserved." He looked up and pointed a shaky finger at Neil, "He deserved _better_."

Neil thinks about Seth hating Kevin for his fame, mentioning how millions of people would cry if he died. He wets his lips. He has no idea what to say in this situation, but Seth doesn't seem to mind as he continues.

"That's when I realized. No one cares about people like you or me or Micha. They won't cry. When was the last time somebody cried for you? They only care about smiles and talent and _fakeness_. You're either born into a world that worships you or you aren't born to anyone at all." Seth turns away from Neil and stares out the window in the loungeroom.

Neil shuffles his feet and let his voice enter the air after a minute or two of silence, causing Seth to turn back to him, "I think you're looking at it the wrong way." He holds a hand up for silence when Seth tries to interrupt him and continues when he gets it, "You're trying to look for someone to blame for Micha's death, when all you have to do is blame the person who caused it; your father. Don't blame Kevin. Don't blame the people who didn't cry. And least of all, don't blame yourself. It will get you no where." Neil blinks and looks at the multiple beer cans, "It _has_ gotten you no where."

Seth opens and closes his mouth. Neil turns back to the cookies, and says, "Kevin has also went through things as well. His mother is dead. His father is unknown. He grew up in a cult, basically, and the only thing in his life that gave him value was shattered when his hand broke."

Neil continues when Seth stays quiet, "Don't be mad at the life Kevin has, and don't be mad at the life you don't have. It's not going to help anything."

Seth, eyes still red but face less distant, wryly adds, "And it won't change anything, you little shit?"

"And it won't change anything." Neil nods, and he continues baking, preparing the cookies for the oven. There's a large pause between the two, not uncomfortable, until Seth speaks again.

"Who taught you to bake, man?"

Neil stares down at his hands. He thinks of Beverly, and his mind flashes briefly to a knife and crying and so much blood. He thinks about hands pounding against the basement door and clears his throat when it clogs up with nausea.

"Someone I didn't want to lose," Neil replies, and they spend the night together in silence, and this time when the cookies are ready to eat Neil slowly has one himself, even though his mouth turns sour.

**Ⅸ**

"Holy fuck, man," Seth says as soon as he and the rest of the Foxes meet Neil and Kevin in the hallway. The two have just left Andrew and Riko alone, right after Neil had called Riko out on television in front of a crowd of people. Neil could hear his mother screeching.

Kevin lands in Abby's embrace and Wymack shoulders his way forward and demands Neil, "Is there something wrong with you?"

Seth grins, "I am so glad we didn't leave him in Palmetto, Coach."

"Stop enjoying this so much," Wymack snaps, pointing at Seth. He turns back to Neil, "When I said Abby and I would look after you, I didn't mean go and antagonize Riko on national television. Should I have spelled it out for you?"

"Probably," Neil says and that's when Andrew reappears. He walks casually forward, but his fingertips brush against Neil's lower back as he passes, just light enough to give Neil goosebumps.

Andrew says, "It's fine, Coach," He reaches Kevin and brings him to his side. "Kevin, we're going. Right now. Okay?"

Neil watches them go, but Seth gains his attention when he grabs him in a headlock, saying slightly fondly, "You runt. I knew you had an attitude problem the moment I saw you."

Neil fails to wrestle out of the grip and dangles uselessly, resigned to his fate in more ways than one.

**Ⅹ**

Neil has just gotten back from his panic run, returning to Fox Tower, and somehow makes his way through the groups of people excited from the aftermath of the football match.

Andrew had offered his protection if Neil stayed by Kevin's side for one year, but it was such a stupid promise, so unreal but so...possible? The idea of staying with the Foxes was a dream, but Andrew was offering to make it real. Neil wanted it so badly.

He makes his way to the Cousin's dorm door, where Andrew and the others greet him, and movement down the hall catches his eyes. Seth and Allison come out of the dorm and are met with a group of other people, who share enthusiastic high-fives and back-slaps with a less enthusiastic Seth.

Matt and Dan are next to make their way out, and Matt catches sight of Neil. He says, "Neil, you made it. Seth and Allison are going downtown, so the rest of us are having a movie marathon. Any requests?"

Neil spots Allison rifling through Seth's pockets, but his attention is brought back to the others when Nicky questions Allison, "You're going out? I didn't realize you two could be any more stupid."

Allison retaliates, Seth staying oddly quiet, saying, "It's none of your business, Hemmick."

Seth breaks up a potential argument and directs his attention to Neil and asks, "You baking tonight?"

Matt winces and Neil tries not to let himself falter. Nicky looks at Neil, surprised, and the girls look mildly interested, but the twins don't react except for a glance from Andrew that looks between Neil and Seth. Neil looks at Seth and see's the way he's holding himself, uncomfortable. He obviously doesn't want to go out tonight and is most likely using Neil as an excuse to stay on campus, thus revealing Neil's baking 'secret'.

Neil decides to humor Seth. "Tomorrow. Chocolate ripple cake."

Matt makes a weak, happy noise, opposite to Kevin's disgusted sound. Seth turns to Allison, who narrows her eyes, and he says, "Sorry, babe, but I'm staying in tonight. I don't want to be hungover when I shitface myself on chocolate tomorrow."

Allison puts her hands on her hips. She holds Seth's gaze for a few moments before nodding. She turns to Matt and demands, "Renee's getting the drinks?"

Matt nods. He looks relieved and the group of people outside the dorm, who were waiting on Seth and Allison, totter away with grumpy noises. Matt replies, "She should be back with drinks any second. She's getting something nonalcoholic for herself and Neil."

"Oh, what a waste," Andrew says. He pinches a bit of Neil's sleeve in between his fingers. "I'm buying Neil's drinks tonight."

There's a moment of silence. Dan stares at Neil and then Andrew. "You're not serious."

"You wish I was," Andrew laughs, and Seth screws up his face.

"You hitchhiked your way back before," Seth says to Neil, "Why are you going again?"

Neil doesn't have time to answer because Dan says, "Andrew's pushing him around and he'll end up dead because of it."

"Jesus, Dan," Nicky says. He looks vaguely offended, and Neil can't tell if it's fake or not. "You'd think you don't trust us."

"No one trusts you." Matt snaps, and Andrew waves a hand and Neil turns his head to face him.

"My, my," Andrew says in German, "They really do bleed their hearts out for you. How touching. How nice. Such misplaced concern. Tell them you can take care of yourself."

Nicky and Aaron look at Neil, seeing if he'll reply. They don't know that he speaks German yet, and Neil doesn't really want to use another one of his cards but he has no choice. Andrew's trying to see if Neil will cross a line. Swallowing his fear, Neil answers in German, saying, "They're not stupid enough to think it's only a drink."

He can see the shared looks of surprise filter over the upperclassmen and Kevin's faces. Nicky says, "Oh, shit. You speak German? Why didn't you tell us?" When Neil doesn't reply, Nicky turns to Andrew and says, "Andrew?"

"Boring," Andrew replies, "Figure something else out for yourself once in a lifetime, Nicky."

Nicky gestures a hand in front of Aaron's face and hits him twice before Aaron whacks it away. "Quick, have we said anything incriminating in the past few months?"

"Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you'd like to do to him, I don't think so." Aaron says, "Congrats, you've managed to completely embarrass yourself in both languages." Nicky covers his face with one hand, and Aaron faces Neil, "When were you going to tell us?"

"I wasn't," Neil admits, "I figured I didn't owe you any favours."

Aaron shrugs, but Nicky looks at Neil, vaguely horrified as he starts murmuring under his breath. Kevin shuffles his feet, annoyed, and Neil returns his attention to the unbelieving upperclassmen, who are all staring at him.

"You speak German, too?" Seth demands, "What about your little French display at Kathy's this morning?"

"That was French, right?" Matt questions, and Neil doesn't reply to their questions, instead saying, "Goodbye," in English.

"We're going," Andrew says, immediately leaving. Kevin takes off after him.

"Neil," Seth says warningly, and Dan adds, "This isn't a good idea."

"I know," Neil replies, turning back on them and walking after Andrew and Kevin. Aaron and Nicky fall in behind him.

Later, when Neil and Andrew are at the bar and waiting for the other drinks besides Neil's soda, Neil runs a finger tip over the top of his glass to make sure it isn't laced with anything.

"Paranoid," Andrew comments, noticing.

Neil glances at him. "If you're such a control freak you shouldn't be drinking either."

Andrew replies without looking at him, "I know what my limits are. I'm not going to test them."

"And the dust?"

"Didn't you hear?" Andrew looks at him, eyes shifted from golden to the luminescent refection of the club lights, "I've got too much crazy in the system for the drugs to make a difference. We got into dust for Aaron's sake. He needed something safe to get on after he was coming off everything his mother gave him."

Neil blinks at the unexpected honesty, and Andrew says, gesturing between their faces with a finger, "Do you remember this game? A truth for a truth. In this moment, no lies and no bunny tricks."

"Here's a truth," Neil says, "I don't like you and I don't trust you."

"The feelings mutual," Andrew supplies, "That doesn't change anything. Here's my question; What did you do to get Seth to be civil?"

"I was civil first. Maybe you should try it sometime."

Andrew taps a finger against the counter, and then tilts his head at Neil, "Your turn. See? Isn't this fun?"

"Nicky says you're only keeping me here because of Kevin," Neil says, "What happens when he gets bored of me?"

Andrew's next words aren't a suggestion. "Keep his interest."

"Can you really protect me from my past?" Neil questions next, and Andrew guesses, "Your father's boss?"

Neil nods and says, "Yes," even though his stomach churns and boils like fire has been set off in his body, "When rumor about the Moriyama's not trusting his people anymore got around, his business never really recovered. He's been after me ever since. He was arrested on some small charges a few years ago but that won't keep him away for long. When he gets out, he'll find me and kill me, even if I'm in the spotlight."

Andrew sounds unsympathetic. "What a sob story. Easy enough to take care of, though."

Neil's next words are unable to make their way out as he's shoved by some people making their way towards the bar. He stumbles into Andrew's figure, which doesn't budge under his weight. Neil can't remember the last time, if ever, someone held him up, an unmovable and fierce force.

Roland returns with their drinks, and the rest of the night at the club is quiet and uneventful. However, when they're driving back to the house, Aaron gets a call and it takes him four rings to find his phone.

"Coach," He says, answering, and he listens in silence for a moment before his face screws up in disgust, "What? _Ew_. Gross."

He shoves his phone over to Andrew, who takes the time to light a cigarette before putting it to his ear, "What do you want?" He pauses and then says, "How many?" before saying, "No, not a good idea. I'll call you when we're back in town." He hangs up and passes the phone back to his brother.

"What happened?" Nicky questions, and Andrew taps the window once.

"Nine dead foxes were found in the Fox Tower hallway, near our dorms."

Nicky makes a disgusted sound and Aaron shakes his head twice. Kevin looks at them all, looking a little bit like a confused baby bird, and Neil chooses to follow Andrew--who's exited the car and heading up to the house door--instead of sitting with them any longer.

Andrew waves a cigarette at Neil and unlocks the door, taking the key off his ring as he does so. The lights are off inside the house and Neil follows him in. "Poor nine dead foxes and not an ounce of sadness?" Andrew questions him, sounding entirely unsad, "That apathy doesn't bode well for your sanity. Aren't you wondering where number ten went?"

Neil blinks at him and Andrew says, "We've had dead foxes before, but something tells me the Raven's die-hard fans didn't do this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean Riko won this round," Andrew replies, "If normal people had done this there would have been ten dead foxes for the number of players we have, but there's only nine. So, I'll ask you again just one more time; aren't you wondering where number ten went?"

Neil stares at him, "You're saying Riko did this?"

"What I'm saying is that this is a warning and a message. Keep your precious teammates close. You called Riko useless on national tv. Did you believe he was going to let you get away with that?"

When all Neil does is continue to stare at him, Andrew steps forward and hooks two fingers into his collar and says, "I know what I'm doing. I knew what I was agreeing to when I took Kevin's side. I knew what it could cost us and how far I'd have to go. Understand? You aren't going anywhere. You're staying right here."

Andrew doesn't let go until he nods, and when he does he places a warm key into the palm of Neil's hand. Neil glances down at it--it has a hardware logo that means it's a copy, the one Andrew must have used at the door and then taken off his own ring moments before.

"Get some sleep," Andrew says, "We're going home tomorrow. We'll figure this out then." He's gone out the front door to watch over his family again a second later.

It takes Neil minutes to look away from where Andrew disappeared from, and when he does he looks down at the key again.

"Home," Neil whispers to no one. He lets his finger travel over the teeth of the key, and hopes the warm metal will burn it's mark in his skin. The concept of a home makes his heart want to beat from his chest. Neil wonders if Andrew and the others can hear it's song. "Welcome home, Neil."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make my day!  
> thanks for reading, hope y'all enjoyed! sorry if some bits are paced oddly-  
> as i said, next chapter up tomorrow, which is like only a few hours for me lmao!! i'm writing the king's men part as we speak. next chapter is obviously gonna be much more darker because it's the raven king


	2. the raven king

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the next chapter!   
> warnings are in the tags.

**Ⅰ**

Neil and Andrew's lot arrive back on campus the next morning, Kevin, Nicky and Aaron all looking around with beady, squinting eyes, the Sunday sun probably too bright for their hung-over heads. PSU still has its cheerful white and orange streamers and decorations to celebrate the start of the school year, though the cheer is dimmed by the two police cars settled outside the stadium, most likely speaking to Wymack about the dead foxes in the Tower situation.

They pull up to The Foxhole Court, and Nicky kills the engine for the car. They all clamber out and head inside, and Neil looks around the stadium while the others head to the lounge. Neil passes by Wymack's office and hears his muffled voice, and once he's satisfied that no one who shouldn't be here isn't in the stadium he heads back to the lounge.

He's met with Aaron and Kevin rearranging the couch, Nicky typing on his phone and Andrew humming loudly to himself as he watches his family. Neil stops in the doorway and asks, "What are you doing?"

Aaron doesn't pause as he shuffles a cushion. "Finding a way to get the five of us to fit."

"Five?" Neil questions. Kevin and Aaron look at him like he's stupid, and Nicky does as well but it's slightly more pitying. Andrew doesn't look at him at all, high on his morning dosage.

"Sometimes I can't tell if you're faking it or if you're just a genuine idiot," Aaron comments before he pushes a chair next to the couch.

Nicky waves a hand at the rearrangement and says to Neil, "You're part of the family now, Neil. That's why you came to Columbia with us last night."

Neil nods and goes to take one of the seats next to the couch, but Aaron gets there first. He snaps his fingers at the couch, a clear suggestion for him to sit over there. But before he can do so, Nicky makes a 'look at me' noise.

Neil glances at him and Nicky grins and says, "Say, was it true that you were going to cook a chocolate ripple cake today?"

"Yes," Neil answers, not sure where this is going.

"And, well, since we're your family now, shouldn't we get first taste?"

"Why don't you just go and buy one?" Neil questions, sitting down. He shoves at the pillows to get himself comfortable and Kevin leaves a space between the two of them for Andrew, who saunters over and plops himself down. The difference between Andrew when he's coming off his drugs and freshly medicated is unnerving.

Nicky makes a scandalized noise and sits in his own assigned seat. "Everyone knows homemade is better, Neil."

Neil hadn't know that. He's never had store-bought recipes before. Before Neil can reply, the upperclassmen make their way into the lounge. Dan's leading them with Matt by her side, Allison and Seth coming in after and Renee taking up the rear.

Allison demands almost as soon as she comes in, "You planning to steal our boy, Hemmick?"

Dan glances at them and then does a double-take, eyeing the way Neil is sitting with Andrew's lot. She says, "Look's like they already have. What's up with that?"

"You knew what it meant when we took him Saturday night," Aaron says.

Seth snarks, "Doesn't mean you have to steal our cake too, fatasses."

Andrew laughs, most likely about to say something, but Neil decides to butt in before Andrew can get too overzealous and be over-the-top, supplying, "I can just make two cakes."

Renee nods and smiles and says, "That's very kind of you, Neil," which makes him shift uncomfortably. Kevin and Seth both open their mouths to say something, but Wymack barges into the lounge and speaks first.

"The fuck are you all squabbling about?" He demands, and doesn't wait for a reply. "The sooner you sit your asses down the sooner we can be done with this Fox thing and then you can get on the Court."

The upperclassmen seat themselves and Wymack walks to the front of the room. He glances around at them and his glance catches on Neil's seating arrangement. He says to Neil, "Last I checked Andrew didn't like you."

"He still doesn't," Neil says at the same time Andrew chirps, "I still do not."

"Y'know what," Wymack says, "Just remembered I don't care." He crosses his arms over his chest and continues, "Last night Fox Tower was broken into and nine dead foxes were shoved outside your dorm doors. The security cameras have been meddled with and they don't know who did it and we most likely won't find out. You're staying here for morning practice and then you'll be staying at Abby's place tonight while Fox Tower is decontaminated. I don't want any person alone tonight, understand?"

"Yes, Coach," They all chorus. They stand up, ready to change out for morning practice, but Neil's heart stutters in his chest. His duffle bag is still in his room, away from him and free for anyone to snoop through if they find the safe it's packed away in.

The others exit the lounge without Neil noticing, his body frozen. Wymack glances up from his clipboard and says, "Oh, that reminds me." He waves a hand for Neil to follow and they walk into Wymack's office. He unlocks one of the desk draws and reaches into it and pulls out Neil's duffle bag, which Neil immediately takes. He hugs it against his chest and Wymack continues, "I got it from your room before the authorities came. I saw the safe and picked the lock--you should get a better lock, kid. Hope you don't mind."

Neil stares at Wymack and then down at his duffle bag and manages to get a meek, "Thank you," out. He doesn't understand why Wymack would help him, but lately it seems like he doesn't understand much at all. He must be making some kind of face because Wymack's usually stern expression fades away.

"Whatever," He says, though it's less gruff than usual. Neil passes the duffle bag back and Wymack locks it back into the draw and nods his head to the door, "Go change out, Neil."

Neil does as he's told and wonders if he should give the chocolate ripple cake to Wymack instead.

**Ⅱ**

Neil's busy in Abby's kitchen when he hears the commotion.

The upperclassmen plus Kevin and Aaron have made themselves comfortable in the loungeroom, watching some movie Neil doesn't care to know of. Wymack and Abby are out on the porch speaking to one another, and Nicky and Andrew have joined Neil in the kitchen, watching him bake.

Nicky's been chattering away, enthused by Andrew's cheerful responses, and the latter's been swiping some of Neil's ingredients every once in a while. Neil's taken to whacking the blonde's hand away with a wooden spoon whenever it reaches for his thickened cream and chocolate ripple biscuits, smart enough to not use his hand.

"HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON!" Seth suddenly shouts, and Neil looks out the kitchen's open doorway into the loungeroom. Seth has a hand pointed at Kevin, who is also mid-yelling. Nicky and Andrew fall quiet, observing the chaos.

Kevin interrupts him, "This is my favourite--"

"HOLD ON!" Seth snaps again, and Kevin goes quiet. Seth continues, "Her sister was a witch, right? And what was her sister? A _princess_!"

Kevin stares at the television. Seth says, clapping his hands together each time he says a word to exuberate his point, "The Wicked Witch of the East, bro!" He stands up and starts stomping his way to the stairs with his back to the loungeroom.

Kevin stands up and says, "I'm gonna stab him."

Seth swings around, "You're gonna look at me and you're gonna tell me that I'm wrong? Am I _wrong_?"

"This is my favourite mo--" Kevin starts.

Seth makes a gesture around his head, "She wore a crown and she came down in a bubble, dog!"

Kevin turns away and looks at the others, who are all staring in different ranges of amusement and puzzlement, "I'm not fighting with you," He says, and Seth storms up the stairs.

"Grow up, bro," Seth says, his voice muffled slightly and drawled, "Grow up."

Kevin spins around and jabs a finger up the stairs and yells, "Get educated!"

Kevin slumps back down in his beanbag when Seth doesn't say anything more, huffing and staring at the television. Neil stares into the loungeroom and slowly starts to return to his baking, but when he reaches for the biscuits so he can sandwich them together he see's three of them are gone.

Neil turns and stares at Andrew. Andrew stares back and slides a whole biscuit into his mouth.

**Ⅲ**

Officer Higgins calls Andrew during Wednesday practice and Neil and the upperclassmen find out about how Andrew and Aaron met when Nicky tells their story. Neil's asked by Dan and Matt to try and unite the team, thinking he has both an in with Andrew and an in with them. Neil's not sure what they see, but he agrees anyway.

Thursday's practice is slightly uncomfortable with Andrew back in the goal after he abandoned it the day prior, but at least there's no arguments. Neil can see that Seth is holding back from arguing with Kevin in an uncharacteristic attempt at being civil. Neil has to wonder what changed--Seth telling him about Micha, Neil telling him to not blame Kevin or something else entirely?

However, in the end, Neil doesn't care because it's making their practices easier. Their match against the Ravens is on Friday the 13th, but right now they're focusing on their away game at Belmonte University and refusing to talk about the Ravens.

They drive to The Foxhole Court and get their gear, where Andrew cuts Kevin when he tries to fight him for saying yes to Wymack and no to Kevin about Exy. Neil watches as Matt prepares for a fight, and then he talks to Wymack about why Andrew will play for him.

Afterwards, Neil gets on the bus and they all make their way to Belmonte University, taking bathroom breaks at random points. The ride is overall uneventful, Neil distracting himself with the schoolwork; however, his somewhat peaceful bus trip was interrupted halfway through when Kevin made his way to his seat, plonked down next to him, muttered something about _The Wizard of Oz_ and then proceeded to pass out next to him.

They arrive at Belmonte University and a quick look around shows that there's no shower stalls to dress in. Neil decides he'll deal with the shower situation after the game, no matter how hard his heart beats in his chest from the thought of his scars being shown to others.

The game against the Terrapins is hard and intense; and in the last minute Kevin just puts them in the lead. Neil thinks they're going to lose it again when a striker attempts to make a shot in Andrew's goal, but Andrew moves exactly where the shot was headed and keeps them in the lead. They win. They've won.

Neil is just trying to figure out his shower problem when Dan says, "Neil, you can use the stalls while me and Renee do press. Allison's already showered so you'll have the room to yourself."

Neil stares at her. "What?"

"What's with that look?" Seth questions him and Neil looks at him, confused.

Nicky, in a rare form of solidarity, helps Seth and supplies, "That's Neil's deer in the headlights look. Every time you do something nice for him, man."

Dan nudges him for his attention back and Neil asks her, unsure, "Is that really okay?"

"I wouldn't be offering if it wasn't," Dan smiles, though it's thin-lipped and the corner of her eyes are strained slightly as she observes him.

"Thank you," Neil says and starts heading to the men's locker room to grab his things. Dan shouts after him, "Thank me by not using all the hot water!"

Neil showers as quickly as he can and sits in the nurses office with Wymack and Andrew afterwards, the former seated on the pristine bed with a cigarette and the latter cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by white pills and holding a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, half of it gone already.

Neil sits down on the empty counter that would usually be stacked with medical supplies, sitting his bag down where his feet don't touch the ground. He glances at his silent companions before asking Wymack, "Why'd you commission stalls, Coach?"

Wymack looks at him and shrugs. "The power of Apollo's Prophecy."

"Neil's a walking tragedy," Andrew comments, smiling around the top of his bottle.

Wymack glances at Andrew judgmentally. "You say that like you're not a sob story yourself."

Andrew weakly laughs, medicine not settling in quite yet. Neil guesses he'll be dancing by the time they get to the parking lot. Andrew raises his eyebrows as if suddenly hit by a thought, and removes one hand from his bottle to snap a finger at Wymack, "That reminds me. I'm staying at yours tonight."

When Wymack opens his mouth to reject, Andrew waves his hand and says over him, "Either that or I stab Kevin again. He'll be intolerable after tonight and I don't want more blood on my knives." He does a one-shouldered shrug and stands up. He grins and says, "Hey, the choice is yours, Coach."

Before Andrew can fully leave, Neil questions, "How did you know where to block the goal?"

Andrew half-turns around and widens his eyes to make them look shocked. He glances at Wymack dramatically and then back to Neil and replies, "Coach said Watts always takes his penalties at the bottom corner. I figured with ten seconds on the clock he'd do the same."

Neil opens his mouth and closes it. Wymack had mentioned that, yes, but during half-time with a bunch of other, much more important information. How Andrew had remembered that without looking like he'd been paying attention was lost to Neil.

Before Neil can speak, Andrew points at him and says, "Thank me by baking a vanilla ice cream cake," and then he's gone out the door, leaving with a bright grin.

Neil turns to Wymack, confused, and he raises his hands, "Hey, don't look at me. I don't know and I don't think I ever will."

"How?" Neil asks, frustrated. "How can he say he doesn't like Exy and then play like that?"

Wymack doesn't say anything and Neil falls quiet, letting silence overtake them. He thought Wymack was doing the same before his Coach asks, "So? You bake, then?"

Neil glances at him. "Yes. Sometimes." He thought Wymack had known, since Neil had made the chocolate ripple cake at Abby's house when the whole team was there, but he supposes not.

Wymack observes him for a moment longer, and Neil lets him, unsure of what he's looking for. They all leave Belmonte University a few moments later, slowly driving out of the campus on the bus. More than one can of beer hits them on their way out, and Nicky, Seth and Allison start flipping people off through the windows. Neil may or may not join in discreetly.

As Andrew loudly announces that Neil is making ice cream cake and Nicky leans in to talk about one of Neil's goals over Kevin's criticisms, Neil realizes the strange feeling in his stomach is happiness.

Happiness.

Neil quite likes the feeling of it.

**Ⅳ**

Neil tries to bargain his way out of Banquet clothes shopping with his baking. Nicky coos at him. Kevin scowls at him. Aaron puts his hands on his hips and stares at him. Andrew laughs at him. Neil admits defeat.

A phone is chucked at him after they've finished shopping. Neil stares at it, but he doesn't really see it. All he can see is a burning corpse, skin melting into the car seat and too hot to touch and glued to the fabric with blood. His mother's eyes have been burnt from her head and her hair is ashes. Her face is a skull. Her bones are in a bag and then in the sand. He is alone.

He remembers Seth's words from what feels like ages ago. _When was the last time somebody cried for you?_ He listens to the sound of Beverly begging and dying. _Please. End this._ He feels his mothers fingernails digging into his skin as she takes her last dying breaths. _Never be yourself. Never be anyone for too long. Promise me, Abram._

The voices overlap until there's just a mess in his head, but they go silent when the sound of heavy footsteps start slowly making their way towards him. Neil looks up, his shaky breath loud in is ears and he hears the snarl of his father, voice ripped around the edges and hazy with icy blue. _My biggest disappointment; my biggest failure in life._ Nathan's lip upcurls, and everything is _so_ dark--Neil can only see his eyes. His father smiles, cruel. Familiar. _What's his new name this time?_

Neil stares down at the phone. There was not a single person in the world Neil could call. He chucks it into the ocean, and forces himself to keep moving--because if not that, then what?

_Then what?_

"Neil."

Neil snaps his eyes away from the phone in his hand and to Nicky, who's wearing a slightly horrified expression. "No," He says, and shoves it back into his hand.

Nicky stares at it and then slowly back to Neil. He looks unnerved, and Andrew behind him is eyeing Neil with a calculating look that has managed to break through his drugs.

"We kind of need you to hold on to that," Nicky speaks like he's talking to a feral cat. "We have to know you're safe, with all the crazy Raven fans."

"No." Neil repeats. He feels like his mind has disappeared into the darkness crevices in his mind. He can't feel his fingertips.

"Hey," Nicky says when Neil grabs the bag of clothes, ready to go and wait in the car. "We'll figure this out, Neil."

Neil ignores him and goes to ask for the keys, but Andrew is already holding them up in offering. However, when Neil goes to snatch them Andrew holds onto them. They stare at each other for a moment before Andrew smiles cruelly and says, "Honesty looks awful on you, Neil."

Neil walks away to the sound of Andrew's laughter. It shouldn't be comforting, but anything's better than the sounds of his past.

**Ⅴ**

Neil knew this would happen.

He comes out of the bathroom, changed and half-ready for night practice. Kevin's gone to the court already, but Andrew's waiting for Neil with the phone on the bench. He see's the way Neil quickly looks away from the phone, but he doesn't smile like he usually would have. He's left his dosage for the night, with the excuse of wanting to sleep despite being up until after twelve with Neil and Kevin.

"A man can only have so many issues," Andrew says, and Neil replies with, "I do not need a phone."

"Not one person here needs one more than you do," Andrew sets his own phone down beside the other. They're nearly identical, except his is black, of course. He uses the other to call his own and a song about runaways starts playing. Neil sits down in front of Andrew and presses the cancel button on Andrew's phone to make the song stop playing.

"You're not funny," Neil tells him, but he knows Andrew wasn't trying to be. He looks up from the phones to see Andrew already gazing at him.

"Neither are you," Andrew says calmly, "You put a noose around your neck and gave the end to Riko. I promised you I would protect you. Give me one good reason why you would make that difficult for me."

"I survived eight years because no one could find me."

"That's not why."

Neil asks, "Are we doing the honesty thing again?"

"If we need to." Andrew takes his phone from Neil. "You start."

"You know, most parents give their children phones so they can keep track of them throughout the day." Neil starts. He spins the other phone in circles on the bench, both unwilling and unable to pick it up. "Mine gave me one because of their work. They wanted to be able to reach me. To know I was safe. When I ran away, I kept the phone even though I knew they were dead." Neil pauses. He stops spinning the phone and stares at the lockers, to the side. "I thought that maybe I was wrong. Maybe they were alive. Maybe someone, anyone, would come for me. But I knew they were gone because the only person that ever rung was that man demanding back his money. I ran because I had nowhere else to go."

Neil turns back to face Andrew, "I shouldn't of had a phone then, and I don't need one now." He doesn't mean for it to happen, but the dead-end exhaustion that will forever rest in his bones slips onto his face. "Who am I supposed to call?"

Andrew gazes at him and then says, "Nicky, Coach, the Suicide Hotline. I don't care."

"I'm starting to remember why I don't like you."

"I'm surprised you forgot in the first place."

"Maybe I didn't," Neil says, and pushes the phone Andrew's way, "There has to be a better way."

Andrew suggests, "You could occasionally grow a spine. I know it's difficult for a person like you who so clearly has the knee-jerk reaction to run away at the first sight of danger embedded in your mind, but try it sometime. You might actually enjoy it."

"What I would enjoy," Neil snaps, "Is to put this phone through your teeth."

"That's more interesting," Andrew notes. He beckons Neil closer and points to his own face and says, "Question. Do I look dead to you?" He doesn't wait for an answer and shoves the phone back across to Neil. He uses his own phone to call the other and the same song starts playing on it.

Neil stares down at it. Andrew says, "Your phone is ringing. You should answer it."

Neil answers it.

Andrew's tone is blank. "Your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay. This is not news to you. But from now until May you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive. I don't care if you use this phone tomorrow, the next day, or never again. But you will keep it on you because one day you might need it." Andrew's finger under his chin forces Neil to meet his golden gaze, "On that day you are not going to run. You are going to think about what I promised and you're going to make the call. Tell me you understand."

Neil stares at him, not managing to speak, but he gets a nod out of himself. Andrew flicks his phone shut and gestures for him to ask his question. The two spend more time in the locker room when Neil questions about Officer Higgins calling Andrew, and Neil finds out about the investigation about Andrew's old foster home.

Kevin barges in moments later, annoyed with the wait, and the rest of the night is filled with the sounds of the stadium. Neil feels some of the exhaustion in his bones thaw.

After night practice, the exhaustion has come back in the form of muscle aches and he can't sleep despite feeling like death itself, so Neil quickly whips up some chocolate chip cookies because he needs to do _something._ Exy had managed to chase away the darkness inside him, but only for a small while, and he needs a distraction from the rest of it.

Neil gets only a few hours of sleep, and he gives himself two minutes to relearn how to breathe when he wakes up. He gets ready for his first class, but grabs the batch of cookies, which are stored in a small black container, when he leaves.

The Cousin's and Kevin aren't in their dorm when Neil lockpicks it, and he invites himself in. Neil places the container on the combined bedside tables where he knows Andrew likes to sit and smoke by the window, knowing he will find them and know who they're from. He leaves and reaches his first class on time, excited for a nap.

It's later that he's walking towards the cafeteria that he see's Andrew out in the courtyard, underneath the tree. Kevin is beside him and talking about something loudly and it's either his medicine or the cookies that are giving Andrew such a big smile as he licks his fingers.

Neil allows himself a small smile himself and quickens his pace so he's not spotted by Kevin and forced to listen to whatever he's talking about.

**Ⅵ**

The Foxes walk into the banquet. Neil glances around, trying to ignore the dread in his stomach, but it's reawakened like a phoenix when Dan mutters, "Motherfucker."

Neil looks and spots the orange chairs meant for them, but he knows those aren't what Dan is mad about. It's the Ravens seated across from them.

Neil follows his teammates to their table, a pale Kevin following closely behind a delighted Andrew, and see's that the Raven's haven't bothered to bring dates. They're all dressed in the same black clothes as well, and have even gone the extra mile to sit the same; one elbow on the table, chin resting on their palm.

"What the fuck," Seth whispers and he and Neil share a look.

Dan walks forward and stands until she's across from Riko. "Riko," She greets, and holds a hand out for a handshake, "Dan Wilds."

Riko holds his hand out in the form of the most half-assed handshake Neil has ever seen in his life. It's limp, like he expects Dan to kiss it. Seth starts coughing, obviously trying to hold in laughter, and Allison elbows him in the gut repeatedly.

Dan gives it a firm handshake, and Riko smiles and says, "I know who you are. Who doesn't? You're the woman who captains a Class I team. You've done admittedly well despite your disadvantages."

"What disadvantages?" Dan questions.

"Do you really want me to list them all?" Riko asks in a daydream-like voice, "This is only a two-day event, Hennessey."

Neil doesn't understand what the jab is supposed to mean, but the upperclassmen obviously do because their faces tighten. Matt steps forward with a, "Careful, Riko."

Dan puts a hand to his chest and pulls her chair out, which sets the rest of the Foxes in motion. Neil takes his own chair, which is closer to Riko than he would like to admit, and as soon as he sits the man to Riko's right moves to swap seats with the woman in front of him.

The rest of the Raven's fall out of sync just to lean back, which makes Seth struggle not to laugh again, leaving Riko and the man in front of him--who Neil can confidently say is none other than Backliner Jean Moreau, judging by the roman numeral number three on his cheek--leaning forward.

"You look familiar," Jean says in accented English.

Neil replies, "If you watched Kathy's show you saw me there."

Jean nods in a heavily exaggerated ' _oh!_ ' motion and says, "Ah, that must be it. What was your name again? Alex? Stefan? Chris?"

For a moment, the world lurches beneath his feet and the air in Neil's lungs vanishes. Eight years on the run had concluded to sixteen different locations and twenty-two different names, and hearing not one, not two, but _three_ come from Jean's mouth confirmed that Riko knew who he was. Neil had thought it would take him much, much longer, though; sometimes it took his father _years_ to catch up to Neil and Mary. For Riko to do it in two weeks was horrifying.

Neil somehow manages to breathe. "It's Neil."

"Oh?" Jean asks. He tilts his head from side to side, observing Neil. "You don't look much like a Neil."

"Blame my mother," Neil says, "She named me."

Riko decides to barge in then. "How _is_ she doing, by the way?" He smiles lazily when Neil meets his dark eyes, and Neil feels something he's been trying to suppress for a long time try to wake up.

Seth comes to Neil's defense first, "Do you always wake up and just decide to be a whiny fuckhead or is that just something you were born with?"

Riko looks at Seth then, and he goes to speak but Dan interrupts him and says, "Don't antagonize my team, Riko."

"I was being polite," Riko replies, "You haven't seen me antagonistic yet."

Jean suddenly says, "Hello, Kevin," bringing everyone's attention over to said Striker.

"Jean," Kevin greets him, and they gaze at each other--Kevin, a quiet, uneased pair of eyes and Jean a grey, ashen ice. They don't speak for a moment or two and that time seems to take up Andrew's patience.

"Jean," Andrew says, and when the Backliner doesn't look at him he repeats himself with, "Hey, Jean. Jean Valjean. Hey. Hey. Hello."

Jean finally looks at Andrew and the latter holds a hand out, and Jean takes it, which Neil immediately knows is a mistake. Andrew's hand goes white as he crushes Jean's with his own, and Jean's smooth face gives way to a flicker of irritation and pain.

Andrew's smile widens. "I'm Andrew. We haven't met yet."

"For which I am grateful," Jean says, "The Foxes as a whole are an embarrassment to Class I Exy, but your very existence is unforgivable. A goalkeeper who doesn't care if he is scored on has no right to touch a racquet. You should have stayed on the sidelines like the publicity stunt you are."

Andrew's amusement grows at Jean's jabbing. Renee replies for Andrew and says, "That's a bit out of line, don't you think?"

A Raven gave a loud snort and drew the attention of the table to herself, "If _Andrew Minyard_ replaced you in the goal, you must be downright horrible. I can't wait to watch your games. We would make a drinking game of your matches but we don't want to die of alcohol poisoning."

Seth's, "Oh, no," is followed by Dan's, "That'd be a shame."

Renee attempts to be the peacemaker again. "This is the first time our team's have met. Do we have to start off so poorly?"

The same Raven as before says, "I can't see why not. You're poor at everything else you do. Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?"

"I imagine we have more fun than you do, yes," Renee replies, her voice still a smile despite the rude words.

The more the two teams argue with each other the harder it is for Neil to resist to join in. Now, more than ever, he wishes he had inherited his mother's patience instead of his father's temper.

"Fun is for children," Jean says, turning from Andrew. He falters when he see's Renee but continues speaking when Riko shifts. "At this level it is supposed to be about skill, and your team is sadly lacking. You have no right to play with us."

"Then you shouldn't have transferred districts, wiseass," Seth says and Allison adds, "No one asked you to be here."

Another Raven joins in and says, "You took something that does not belong to you. You brought this year's humiliation on yourself."

"We didn't take anything," Dan replies, "Kevin wants to be here."

"Don't kid yourselves," The Raven across from Renee snarks, "Kevin went to you because someone had to teach you what _real_ Exy looks like. If he had stayed on as assistant coach maybe he would have learned to stomach your failures, but now that he's playing on the team there is no way he will last the season. We know Kevin better than you, and we know how much your incompetence must grate on him."

Aaron decides to join in. "So do we," He says, "He's not shy with his opinion."

"They know how I feel," Kevin says, seeming to finally find his voice, "However, words alone won't fix anything. A team that needs this much work requires a longer commitment."

"You won't stay," Jean orders, "You should reconsider our option before it's gone for good, Kevin. Face the facts, maybe. Your pet is and always will be dead weight. It's time to--"

Andrew looks at Kevin, shocked, "What?" He gasps, "You have a pet and you never told us? For shame, Kevin."

Jean flicks Andrew an annoyed look and says, "Don't interrupt me, Doe."

Nicky makes a gutted noise by Neil's side, so Neil assumes what Jean said was offensive. Andrew, unlike Nicky, doesn't even blink, though, instead saying, "Oh, points for trying, John, but you save your breath. Here's a tip for you, okay, Jack? You can't cut down someone who's already in the gutter. It won't work; you just waste your time _and_ mine."

"Enough," Dan snaps her fingers, "Break it up. This is a district event and we have twenty officials on hand. We're here to get to know each other, not start bar fights. If you haven't got something nice to say, don't say it at all. That goes for _both_ teams."

"Is that why your new child is being so quiet?" Riko asks. Neil looks away from Dan to see that Riko is already staring at him. Neil glances away. "He doesn't have anything--" Riko holds his fingers up in a quotation mark gesture, "--'nice'--to share?"

"Leave him alone," Matt snaps.

Riko doesn't look away from Neil as he says, "He was very spirited last time we met. Or was that an act, a show for the crowd?" He waves a hand and says, "Hello, I am speaking to you. Are you really going to ignore me?"

Neil can feel Nicky's fingers dig into his thigh under the table, telling him to keep his mouth shut. Neil tries to count to ten, but he only makes it to four before Riko speaks again.

"What a coward," Riko comments, "Just like his mother."

Neil stops counting.

"You know, I get it," Neil turns his eyes straight to Riko, and for the first time in his life he wishes his blue eyes were out, letting his cold, icy glare show just so he could see Riko's spirit wither up and die. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a _single_ person in your family thinking you're worth a _damn_ off the court--yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."

Kevin says, "Neil," frantically and Seth says, "Dude," with a heavy layer of feeling. Everyone else watches in varying degrees of horror or, in Andrew's case, amusement as Neil tears Riko's layers open. Neil doesn't care. His temper is burning him from the inside out, scorching alive.

Neil continues, "I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, _please,_ just shut the fuck up and leave us alone."

Jaws drop like wildfire and Riko's expression could freeze hellfire. Neil glares back, his gaze hell itself. He knows he'll regret this, but Neil will just have his nervous breakdown later.

Instead, Neil turns from Riko to Dan and says, "Dan, I said please. I tried to be nice."

Dan somehow manages to get Matt to get Coach, who arrives quickly, but before they leave the table Jean reveals Neil's biggest secret ever to Kevin, who makes a sound so horrible it feels like someone has repeatedly stabbed Neil in the stomach. Maybe they have.

They get their new table and Kevin stares at Neil like he's a ghost and whispers the name, "Nathaniel," before he's gone with Abby, and the rest of the night is a rush. Riko speaks to him and Neil learns the truth about the Butcher and, apparently, his master, but he's still unsure where he stands in the hierarchy. He plans to spend the whole bus ride back thinking about his problems, but Seth sits next to him, taking the alley seat.

Neil looks at him and Seth says, "I gotta ask, shitface, did you prepare a speech?"

Neil blinks at him blankly. "What?"

"When you roasted the fuck out of Lord Farquaad back there," Seth supplies, and Nicky turns around and faces them.

"Yeah," Nicky says, "You didn't stutter once, man."

Seth points at Nicky and nods, "Cool as fuck intro, too. _You know, I get it_. I hope someone recorded it."

From the front of the bus, Allison waggles her phone at them and Seth whoops.

Wymack, who's sitting on one of the seats near them, Abby driving them home, sighs and rubs his eyes. He slowly turns to face Seth and says, "I'm going to regret asking this, but...what did he say?"

As Seth and Nicky start their retelling, Neil shakes his head and looks out the window. He supposes he can wait until they get back home before he thinks about his problems.

**Ⅶ**

"Will you still teach me?"

"Every night."

**Ⅷ**

Life goes on after Neil finds out the truth--who he was supposed to be and what he was supposed to grow up like, bearing the number three on his cheek. Neil distracts himself from his upcoming death, for once in his life not thinking about his limited days.

He finds out little truths about his teammates and bakes more sweets but never brings himself to eat them. Nicky tells him about Aaron and Katelyn and the slightly darker past between the twins, and then goes on to speak about Tilda, and Neil suggests that Andrew killed her to protect Aaron, and Nicky gives him an unconvinced look. He then starts a lecture about Neil needing a relationship when Neil say's he doesn't mind that Exy won't ever love him back.

At practice later, Neil observes Andrew without really knowing why. He looks away when Andrew catches him, the blonde mid-gesturing excitably to Renee.

It's at night that Neil snaps awake to the sound of his dorm room's door opening and he sits up, eyes wide. He automatically reaches for the gun under his pillow, but his hand comes back empty, because of course it does.

Neil stares at the darkness of his room, trying to listen to any more sounds. He can hear slight footsteps, the sound muffled. Neil slowly steps out of his bed, waits a whole entire minute before he unplugs the lamp and grabs it as a weapon. He can't hear anything else, so Neil gradually cracks the door open and peeks out into the hallway. He silently makes his way outside, glances over his shoulder and looks around the corner.

He freezes in place.

There's no light on, and the cupboard door is open. But, he's not being robbed. Kind of. It's just Andrew and Aaron. Sitting in the darkness, eating a batch of muffins. Neil stares at them and Aaron slowly turns to look at him.

Neil raises the lamp in defense. Aaron turns back to his muffin. Andrew stares at the lamp. Neil lowers it.

The twins go through three more muffins each before Andrew puts the container back in the cupboard. By now, Neil has just been leaning against the wall with heavy-lidded eyes, watching them. Aaron leaves without saying anything and Andrew seems like he's about to do the same before he stops at the door.

He says to Neil, "Cheesecake," and then he's gone.

Neil guesses that's a request and decides he'll deal with it later. He heads back to bed.

**Ⅸ**

The Raven match comes up and Dan becomes flustered with all the _good_ attention the Foxes are getting, Palmetto rallying behind them. The match is a clusterfuck. A total clusterfuck, but it's over now and Neil can put it behind him.

The Foxes all group together at one side of the court at the end of the game, and Neil gazes up at the big _13:6,_ and he finds that he doesn't mind. The Foxes all played extremely well.

"Foxes," Riko greets them with his Ravens at his back, "I'd say I was expecting better, but then that would mean I had high expectations in the first place. This game was as humiliating for you as I thought it would be. Kevin, you have fallen so far. I wish you had stayed down so we wouldn't have to force you to your knees."

"This dude has a knee-kink or some shit," Seth whispers in Neil's ear. Neil elbows him in the gut.

Kevin's smile is slow and steady, "I'm satisfied. Not with their score or performance, but their spirit. I was right. There is more than enough here to work with." The Foxes and the Ravens gape at him, not expecting the praise.

"How many balls did you take to the head?" One Raven demands, and Kevin just continues smiling.

"Thank you for the game," Kevin continues, "We will see you again at semi-finals. It will be an interesting rematch, I promise."

Riko goes to say more, but Kevin has already turned away to help Andrew up from his place on the ground. Seth grins and hits Neil on the shoulder, steering him towards the exit.

"Never thought I'd see the day you grew a pair, Day," Seth says to Kevin.

Kevin sniffs. "Never thought I'd see the day you scored more than once, Gordon," Seth snorts and Dan says a less than polite goodbye to the Ravens. They make their way out and Coach congratulates them, and Allison explains what this means for the future.

This is the strongest the Foxes have ever been. Neil feels a small smile stretch across his face, and it only grows when Andrew snaps a finger at him and mouths, "Cheesecake," at him.

**Ⅹ**

Andrew's lot takes him Halloween costume shopping. Neil asks if he can invite the upperclassmen to Eden's. Andrew says yes. Nicky and Neil meet Officer Higgins back at the dorms, and Higgins says the name Drake, which makes an odd expression fall on Andrew's face. Neil tells the upperclassmen they can come to Eden's for Halloween, and he learns about what happened between Matt and the Cousins plus Kevin when Matt first went to Columbia.

They all spend the night at Columbia and Neil sits alone on the table, trying to ignore the loneliness as he watches over his family. It is a familiar ache.

**Ⅺ**

Neil speaks to Renee and finds out about her past and Andrew's sexuality, and when he questions why only she and him know, he's told that Andrew knows Neil won't use it against him, and Neil wonders aloud why Andrew didn't just tell him himself. Renee says maybe he wanted them to speak to one another, and she says she will understand anything Neil tells her. Neil's long silence speaks for him.

Someone frantically knocks on Neil, Matt and Seth's dorm door when the three of them are watching a TV show and eating wraps Matt made, and it startles the three of them so bad they jolt and make the remote fall down into one of the couch crevices.

While Seth and Matt hunt for the TV remote Neil answers the door to find Nicky, who quickly tells them about how his mother and father invited him and his cousin's over for Thanksgiving. The two of them are highly homophobic and don't support him and Erik, but Nicky thinks it's a chance to reconciliate with them.

"You should go," Matt says.

"What?" Seth demands Matt. "No he shouldn't." He points at Nicky, "Parents who want to 'reconciliate' with you are almost one hundred percent just going to ask you for something. Don't go."

"But--" Nicky shakes his head and looks at Neil, "Talk to Andrew for me? He'll just laugh in my face if I ask him and he listens to you for whatever reason."

After a few more minutes of arguing Neil pushes into the Cousin's room, trying to figure out ways to convince Andrew. Nicky wanting to connect with his mother again is sending Neil's mind into the past.

It takes a long time to get Andrew to say yes, and not without Neil offering for himself and Kevin to go as well and Andrew changing the date of the dinner, but Nicky doesn't mind the two conditions and crushes him in a hug before running off to call his mother.

Neil turns to face his roommates, who are eyeing him with a curious intensity, both still on the couch.

"What makes you so special?" Matt questions.

Neil blinks. "I'm not."

Matt leans forward and puts his chin on his hand. "Then why does he keep on saying yes to you? Andrew doesn't give ground to anybody."

"He's high," Neil says, and twirls a finger by his temple, "He think's it's funny."

Matt sighs and looks away and Seth says, with a far-too-calculating look, "Yeah. Right."

Neil looks away from them and down to his phone, which buzzes with an excited message from Nicky that confirms Maria is okay with the new terms. When Neil goes to sit back down Seth batts him away and tells him to go bake cupcakes.

Neil looks outside the window as he grabs his cooking materials, staring out over Palmetto, and hopes he'll be fast enough when Andrew snaps at Luther and worst comes to worst.

**Ⅻ**

Worst comes to worst, but not in the form of Andrew.

There's blood, laughter and police sirens. They all blend together like the red melting into the carpet. Neil wonders when brain matter started looking like cake batter.

**ⅫⅠ**

Andrew's going to Easthaven. Neil can still feel where his hand had been pressed up against his scars like it was branded on his skin, and the promise to protect Kevin is turning Neil's brain fuzzy.

Andrew and Betsy pass by the kitchen, where Neil is still leaning against the cupboards. Andrew grins and waves at him with a, "I expect chocolate when I get back."

The unspoken promise of Andrew returning is enough to put fresh air in Neil's lungs, and he slumps against the wooden surface, letting his limbs go limp.

"Andrew," Wymack calls after him before he and Betsy can leave fully, "Don't leave me alone with these morons for too long. I'm getting too old to deal with their drama."

"Oh, you and me both," Andrew says, and then he's gone.

Aaron comes back later and Neil rips open the truth and gets him to admit to himself that Andrew killed Tilda to protect him, and after that they meet with the upperclassmen again, who are all quiet. Neil's not sure how much they know about the situation, and he's not going to ask.

They all gaze at each other in the lounge. Aaron's long gone, hiding somewhere with Katelyn. Wymack looks around at all their faces and then waves a hand to the court, "Get your gear on. We've got a game on Friday and we need all the practice we can get."

Neil shares a look with Kevin. They put their gear on.

**ⅪⅤ**

They go through practice after practice and Neil stops baking for a bit, focusing more on thinking about Andrew and keeping his group close. December is approaching fast when Matt asks what he's doing for Christmas. Neil doesn't know, and Matt says his mother's house is big enough to house everyone if he and the 'Monsters' want to join. Neil doesn't know what to say and Matt tells him to think on it.

The Foxes attend the Winter Christmas Banquet and Neil thinks about every murder he's ever witnessed so he has the strength and patience to face Riko. However, his temper wins out when Riko mentions Christmas at Evermore and Andrew at Easthaven, and then he and Riko are fighting each other like vicious street animals, clawing at any shred of skin. All Neil can think throughout it is that Riko's the one who hurt Andrew, and he's going to keep hurting him.

Their fight is broken up and afterwards Neil tells the Foxes that Riko is the one who sent Drake, and then they _all_ look like they want to bash Riko's head in, even Renee. He then asks, in French, if Kevin has his ticket for the plane to Evermore, which Kevin admits he does.

The drive back to Fox Tower is deathly, deathly silent.

**ⅩⅤ**

Neil pretends to be on the phone with his mother when Nicky comes into his room. It's the day that most of the Foxes will be flying out to their own respective locations for Christmas, and Neil has to have a way to get away from the others so he can get to Evermore. Ergo, fake phone call.

"Yes, I saw it," Neil says into his phone, and Nicky open and closes his mouth. His curiosity wins out like Neil knew it would and Nicky leans against the doorframe to wait.

"What did you expect?" Neil asks and half-turns away from Nicky. "You waited this long to figure it out and I've already made other plans. I--" Neil cuts himself off, pretends to listen and then continues sharply, "But how long have you known he was coming? You could have said something. I don't know. I said I don't know. I'd have to--" Neil rubs at his eyes as if he's dealing with someone exhausting and says, "Okay. Bye."

Neil flicks his phone shut and silence reigns the room. Nicky closes the door and slides up onto his bunk. He crosses his arms over a pillow and Neil leans against the wall.

Nicky asks, "Everything okay there?"

"I'm fine."

"That didn't _sound_ fine. One day you're going to have to stop lying to my face," Nicky flicks a finger between them, "Now what's really going on?"

"My uncle's flying back to Arizona for Christmas," Neil says.

"Good thing? Bad thing?"

Neil sags against the wall, "Both? He's a good guy, but usually he's smart enough to avoid my parents. I haven't seen him in years, and he never comes over for Holidays, so something must be up. But, I don't know what. I don't know if..." Neil gestures helplessly, "I promised myself I'd never go home again, but."

"But you want to see him again," Nicky supplies. Neil stares up at the roof and wonders why this fake situation is actually affecting him. He hasn't thought about his uncle in years.

"It doesn't matter," Neil says, "I told Andrew I'd stay with Kevin."

"But Kevin's going to be with us," Nicky says, "And we're going to be with Matt and his mum. The four of us can keep an eye on him if you need some time with your family. Do you need money for a ticket?"

"Mum already sent me one, before the Banquet. I just didn't want to deal with all..." Neil makes a circle with his hands, "This."

"You're hopeless," Nicky says, and he holds a hand up when Neil opens his mouth, "No. If you want to go, go. You've done more than enough for us this semester and at some point you need to think about yourself." He starts to climb off the bunk, "I'm gonna go tell the others, and they'll tell you to go home, too. You'll see."

Neil pretends to protest but Nicky's already gone. Neil would pity Nicky for being so gullible, but he doesn't get any satisfaction from this. Matt walks in moments later with Seth on his heels.

"You're ridiculous," Seth says and Matt asks, "What are we going to do with you?"

"I'm sorry," Neil says.

"What for?" Matt asks, and continues without an answer, "When's your flight?"

"Eleven-ten, if I go."

"You're going," Seth points at him, "Go eat something, shitface."

Neil doesn't think he can stomach any food with the thought that he'll be alone for two weeks with the Ravens, but he shoves some oatmeal and toast down his mouth anyway.

Afterwards, he goes to pack and Kevin comes into his room. Neil looks up at his arrival and says, "Can I give you something to take care of while I'm gone? Will you promise to keep it safe? I don't want to leave it here but I can't take it with me."

Kevin nods and Neil grabs his binder from his safe. He stares down at the plastic hardcover front page and slowly hands it over to Kevin. However, before he lets go, Neil says, "Don't open it."

"I don't want to know," Kevin answers, and Neil lets him take it. Kevin falls silent while Neil continues packing, which is hard to do so as his duffel bag is small and his luggage has doubled over the past year.

Neil gets to his feet and he and Kevin share a look. Neil goes to walk past him but Kevin holds an arm out to stop him. Neil looks up at him.

"Come back," Kevin says quietly, "A lot of people here would miss you."

Kevin doesn't have to say his own name for Neil to know that he means himself. Neil glances at the ground and then back to Kevin and says, just as quietly, "You told me you'd finish the year with me. I'll be back to hold you to that promise."

And then Neil walks into the loungeroom, out the door with Matt and Seth, lies through his teeth multiple times, and enters the airport.

As he boards the plane, all Neil can think is that he never made that cheesecake.

**ⅩⅤⅠ**

The knife digs into his skin, and Riko leans forward. He's so close his grown-out hair touches Neil's cheekbones. Riko smiles.

"I am going to make this as terrible as I know how," Riko promises, "When it becomes too much, don't hesitate to cry."

Neil bites down on his tongue until blood floods his mouth, and he wishes he had eaten that brownie all those years ago.

**ⅩⅤⅠⅠ**

Neil snaps awake. He's on a couch, and his body is cold all over. He can't feel anything, and for a moment he expects to hear Jean speaking to him, but he takes in his surroundings without moving.

He's in Wymack's apartment.

Small bits come back to him gradually, and Neil keeps staring at the ceiling. Neil was at Evermore. Then he was at the airport, where he called Wymack to come get him. Now he's at Wymack's apartment.

He manages to turn his head. Wymack is sitting on his desk chair, which he must have pulled from his office. Neil slowly drags himself into a sitting position and sags against the couch. Everything _hurts_.

He doesn't realize his eyes are closed until he opens them to look at Wymack again. "I'm sorry," Neil says.

"He sounds like Neil." Wymack says, "But he doesn't look like him. I'll take your explanation from the top and without a side order of bullshit, thanks."

Neil stares at him in confusion. What?

And then there's the slow sinking feeling in his chest, a sickness, an infection, a plague. Blue eyes. Red hair. Wrong. Right.

He collapses onto the bathroom ground before he even realizes he's managed to get there, and Wymack pounds on his back to help him breathe. Neil claws at the cabinet draw, trying to tell Wymack to look away, to forget he ever saw Neil's past, present, and future.

A lighter is given to him and Neil breathes in the smoke too hard, and he's coughing and then he's laughing hysterically.

"Neil," Wymack says, and snaps through his haze, "I need you to talk to me."

Neil turns to face him. His eyes are watering from the smoke and a tear glides down his cheek. "I think I pulled my stitches," Neil tells him, "I feel blood."

"Where?" Wymack demands.

"Everywhere?"

Wymack helps him out his jacket and Neil bites at the glove around his hand, but he winces when he feels pain spark on his face. His coach notices and starts to take off the bandages on his face before he freezes.

"Neil," Wymack says, voice cold, "What the fuck is on your face?"

Neil gets the glove off and pokes at his bare skin but doesn't feel anything. He tries to get up to look in the mirror, but can't, so Wymack hauls him to his feet and Neil grabs onto the sink.

He isn't ready to see his reflection again, but Neil is even less ready for the ' _Ⅳ_ ' on his cheekbone. He's running past Wymack and to the kitchen before he even feels his feet move.

Neil grabs the knife from the kitchen counter but Wymack seizes his wrist before he can stab himself through the face. They fight for a moment, and Wymack makes him lose his grip on the knife when he slams his wrist down onto the counter. Neil scrambles for it, but Wymack drags him to the ground and cocoons his body with his own while Neil tries to fight him.

"Hey," Wymack says, sharp, "Hey. It's alright. It's going to be alright."

"It's never been _alright,_ " Neil says and pounds his bloodied hands against Wymack's chest. His fingernails have been dulled and bitten off, so they don't do any damage as Neil tries to claw at him.

There has only ever been fleeting moments of 'alright'. Baking. Time with teammates. An idea of hope. But there has and always will be that huge shadow over his life, the countdown, the deadline. The end.

Every time he closes his eyes he remembers Evermore a little more clearer, and he can feel Riko's hands, knives and flames on his skin. He squeezes his eyes shut. He kept getting up because he had told Kevin he would come back, but he doesn't know if he can get back up this time.

It's too much. It will always be too much.

"Neil," Wymack says, insistent. Neil stops trying to get free and sags into his hold. Can he still be Neil?

"Help me," He says.

"Let me," Wymack shoots back.

After Neil calms down and then confirms Andrew's coming back soon, the two get up and they get Neil's shirt off so Wymack can check his wounds. Neil watches his face for any sign of emotion as he gazes over his scars, but none show.

"One day we're going to talk about this," Wymack says in a low voice after he cleans the blood from Neil's body.

"After finals. After we beat the Raven's. Then I'll tell you whatever you want to know, even if it's the truth."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

Wymack carries the dirty bandages away and Neil drinks from the bottle of scotch on the coffee table to help with the pain.

"I thought you didn't drink," Wymack says from the kitchen. Neil glances at him.

"I don't, unless I have to. We used alcohol as anesthetics because we couldn't risk going to the hospital." The truth in his mouth made his brain go weird. He makes sure his fingers aren't shaking before he traces his ugliest scar. "Too many questions. Too much lost time. It was safer to drink away the pain."

Neil turns to look at Wymack, "Is that enough, Coach? It's a truth on credit until Spring."

Wymack nods, "Yes. It's enough for now."

He comes back around to wrap bandages around Neil's fingers, and they settle onto the couch. Neil sinks into it's warmth, and he waits for his mind to finish piecing together Evermore.

The most important piece flashes into his mind, and Neil sit up. "I didn't sign it," He says, "He gave me a contract but I wouldn't sign it. He couldn't make me. This doesn't mean anything." He runs a finger over where he knows his tattoo is, "I'm still a Fox."

"You had doubts?" Wymack asks, "Of course you are, kid."

Neil asks about the ball drop and Wymack turns on the television. Neil fishes for his phone and sends a quick, ' _happy new year_ ', out to the group chat. The response is almost immediate, filled with exclamation marks, but Neil looks at the TV instead just as his phone goes flat.

It doesn't matter. What matters is that they replied. He is their family, and they are his.

They will always be worth every bruise and cut and scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! sorry if it got paced quickly at the end there, I was struggling to write because something came up <3  
> next part should be out tomorrow! fingers crossed  
> comments make me very happy :D


	3. the king's men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter! thank you so much for reading <3 i hope you all enjoy!  
> posting this at 2:36 am so sorry if don't reply to comments quickly!!   
> warnings are in the tags.

**Ⅰ**

Neil wakes up to the sound of movement in the kitchen.

He's still in Wymack's apartment, and classes are supposed to start on Thursday, meaning all the other Foxes will be here soon and Neil will have to speak to them--which he's currently avoiding thinking about.

Neil _was_ watching TV what feels like moments ago, but his body is still used to the sixteen hour days at the Raven Nest, so he must have fallen asleep and lost track of time, again.

Wymack mutters something to himself and Neil twists his head around to gaze over the head of the couch and into the kitchen, and that's when he realizes. He can smell brownies. They remind him of Beverly and the sun shining through the windows, and his heart gives a painful clench but he ignores it. Neil's eyebrows raise, and Wymack stomps into the loungeroom, holding a plate that's stacked with, yes, brownies.

The coach sets them down on the coffee table and Neil frowns at them. He glances at Wymack and then back at the brownies. Wymack looks between them with a nudging gaze.

"What?" Neil questions.

"Made you brownies," Wymack says gruffly, "Figured it would cheer you up."

Oh. Wymack must think because Neil bakes that he likes sweets.

"Oh," Neil echoes his thoughts, "I don't like sweets."

Wymack blinks and looks confused. "Then why do you bake?"

Neil opens his mouth to automatically lie. It's an instinct, but something stops him. He's already given Wymack his one truth before he'll know the rest in May, but surely one more can't hurt?

"It, uh." Neil stops. Breathes. Continues, "It kept me away from him."

Wymack's eyebrows furrow together as he takes the vague truth in, and he nods slowly. He picks the brownies back up and says, "Abby'll have them."

Neil nods and slowly settles back into the couch.

**Ⅱ**

It's slightly painful to see the Foxes again. Matt punches Kevin for 'letting' him go, and Nicky looks crushed to see him so beaten. Seth face goes so dark it surprises Neil, and he says that Riko should be glad he's so far away. Kevin's horrified face at his appearance is the worst thing to see though, and Aaron's quiet curiosity instead of sympathy is the easiest to face.

And then it's too painful for him to put on a jacket. A _jacket_.

There's an itch down in his fingertips, and Neil knows it means that he needs to bake, but Neil can't even imagine baking at the moment. Everything hurts too much. Neil wants to kill Riko.

Instead he focuses on Andrew coming back.

**Ⅲ**

Easthaven surprisingly _doesn't_ look like a prison. Neil was expecting the barbed wire fence and everything, but it just looks. It just looks _normal._ He pulls up and he, Kevin, Nicky and Aaron head inside and to the front desk.

He see's Nicky's uneasy face and wonders if he himself should feel more nervous, but he doesn't feel anything. The clerk gets them to sign in with their names, and Neil hesitates before he writes his down, a mistake that Kevin gazes at him for. He hadn't been allowed to be Neil in Evermore.

They go and sit down and the chairs feel like Heaven to Neil's body. He stares at the fire place and can't help but let his eyes drift close. Kevin's French snaps him awake.

"I know what he's like," Kevin says quietly. Neil looks at him and he continues, "Riko. If you need to talk." He's studying his hands.

It's extremely awkward and uncomfortable, but Neil manages to get out a, "Thank you."

Kevin glances at him and then hesitantly opens and closes his mouth. Neil waits for him to gather his wits and Kevin says, "Did he call you Nathaniel?"

Neil's battered body somehow gathers the strength to flinch at the name. He slowly says, "In...private," Kevin closes his eyes, "But not on the court. It gave him an excuse to beat me every time I responded to Neil. No one else knew what to call me."

Kevin takes in a shaky breath and says in an equally shaking voice, "I shouldn't have let you go."

"It." Neil swallows and says, "It wasn't your fault. Don't think it is for a second." He holds Kevin's gaze until Kevin looks away and then Neil sinks back into the chair. He wonders if he should bring up that he knows Coach is Kevin's father, but decides he's too comfortable to move now.

Nicky and Aaron are both trying to look like they're not listening to their quiet French murmurs, and Nicky opens his mouth to speak before his eyes catch onto something behind Neil.

Neil turns to look over his shoulder, and there's Andrew.

He's wearing the same clothes he had been committed in with, and a bag hangs off of one shoulder. Neil wonders where the bag came from, as he didn't have one when he and Betsy left, but his voice fails him when his eyes observe Andrew's face. There's not anything...bad. It's just. There's not anything at _all._ It's blank. An empty stare.

He doesn't wait for them, instead turns away. Aaron is the first to react, getting up and dragging Nicky with him as he does so. Kevin and Neil exchange a glance before following.

They all get in the car and Neil hands the car keys over to Andrew, but as he does so Nicky gives his wrist a tight, fierce squeeze. It's probably meant as an action of support, but all Neil can feel and see is the handcuffs around his wrists. He flinches before he can stop himself.

Nicky drops his hand like he's been burned. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

Neil interrupts him. His hand is throbbing, but he says, "It's fine," anyway.

"It's _not,"_ Nicky says, as if in pain. He looks at Andrew, "I mean, Jesus, Andrew, aren't you even going to ask--"

Andrew turns the radio on so high it overlays Nicky's voice. The drive back is silent, except the pounding music has Neil's head dizzy. Kevin reaches for the volume controls only once, but Andrew's warning point is enough to get him to stop.

The car pulls up at Fox Tower and Neil is out first. He grabs Andrew's door before he can shut it and reaches for where he stored his binder before they drove to Easthaven. When he pulls back with his folder in his hand, he finds Andrew has gotten closer and he has no choice but to lean into him. He finds he doesn't mind. Andrew and him have been apart for seven weeks, and the relief he feels at his return should be frightening, but all Neil can focus on is how good it is to be able to breathe again. He never meant to lean on Andrew so much.

Andrew tells Nicky to stay and the rest of them go back inside the Fox Tower. It's a few minutes later when Seth and Matt are making coffee that they got from New York, telling Neil their stories, that Nicky comes to grab him.

Andrew wants to see him.

Neil grabs his cigarette box and then Andrew's armbands and Nicky is too busy chatting with Seth and Matt to notice the knives. Neil heads down the stairs where he finds Andrew's propped up against the railing. Neil hands over the armbands and Andrew puts them on immediately, turning away even though Neil has already seen his scars.

Instead of going outside, they head back upstairs where Andrew pries open a 'Staff Only' door. They exit out onto the roof, and the lack of a safety railing makes Neil squeamish. Neil grabs two cigarettes to distract himself and hands one to Andrew and cups the other in his own hands.

"I'll take an explanation now," Andrew says.

"You couldn't ask for answers inside where it's warm?"

Andrew turns to face him. "If you're worried about dying of exposure you're a little late." He raises a hand to Neil's face but stops with his hands just a breath away from the bandages. But he isn't observing the gauze--he's staring straight into Neil's eyes, "Did I break your promise or were you keeping yours?" 

"Neither," Neil says.

"It's your turn in the truth game and you will not lie to me."

Neil repeats himself and says, "Neither. I spent Christmas at Evermore."

Andrew immediately goes for the bandage where his tattoo is under. Everyone else overlooked it, too busy staring at all his other injuries. Neil prepares himself for violence, but Andrew's gaze is nothing but blank as he takes in the tattoo.

They speak for a few minutes more, in which Neil finds out that he failed in protecting Andrew against Proust. He expects the guilt, but the feeling of it still makes his bones ache.

"Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection." Andrew says.

"I had to try. If I had the chance to stop it but did nothing, how could I live with myself? How could I face you again?"

"Your crumbling psyche is your problem, not mine." Andrew says, "I said I would keep you alive this year. You make it infinitely more difficult for me when you actively try to get yourself killed."

"You spend all this time watching our backs," Neil replies, "Who's watching yours? Don't say you are, because you and I both know you take shit care of yourself."

"You have a hearing problem," Andrew concludes, "Too many balls to the helmet, perhaps. Can you read lips?" He points to his own mouth as he speaks, "The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me take care of it. Do you understand?"

"If it means losing you, then _no._ "

"I hate you." Andrew says. He looks away from Neil and takes a drag from his cig. "You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs."

"I am not a hallucination," Neil says, nonplussed.

"You are a pipe dream," Andrew says, "Go inside and leave me alone."

Neil takes in the words and says, "You still have my keys."

Andrew pries them from his pocket and throws them over the edge, along with his cigarette. Neil leans over to watch them fall before he looks back at Andrew, who simply says, "Not anymore."

Neil stands up and replies, "You don't deserve the cheesecake," and goes to retrieve his keys. 

**Ⅳ**

Neil wakes up on Wednesday morning. Nothing sounds better than falling back asleep, but he needs his teammates to think he's okay. He would go for a run, but his limbs feel like they're about to fall off so he slowly starts baking chocolate cupcakes.

They take way longer to make than what they usually would, and Matt looks at him like he's crazy and Seth, at one point, had tried to make Neil sit down, but he's done something, at least.

Afterwards, Neil makes his way to the library where he researches the news since he left for Evermore, obsessively searching for anything about his stay at the Nest. When he finds nothing, he can't help but rest his head on the desk. Just one moment, and then he'll get up.

Fingers digging into the back of his skull startle him awake. Neil reaches for a gun or a knife or anything, but all he succeeds in doing is sending his mouse flying across the desk.

The fingers turn into a fist and Andrew forcibly tilts Neil's head back. "Is your learning curve a horizontal line?" Andrew asks, "I told you yesterday to stop making my life difficult."

Neil says, "You talked, I listened. I didn't promise anything."

Andrew watches as Neil shuts off the computer, and Neil tries to ignore how he's missed two hours. They head back to the stadium, and Neil meets Abby's sad eyes. She looks over his injuries and doesn't ask about his eyes.

And then she hugs him, and Neil can't remember the last time he had even been hugged.

He see's the girls again and Andrew greets Matt with a punch. After Wymack finishes speaking to them, Neil goes with Andrew's lot back to the dorms and gets his makeup put on by Allison, and then he stands and stares out into the empty corridor.

Everything is going to be okay.

**Ⅴ**

Neil's already awake, and he's not alone for whatever reason. It's early enough that the sun isn't up yet on this Thursday morning, and Neil's trying to distract himself from his nightmares by baking more choc chip cookies. Matt's sleeping in Dan's room and Seth's passed out on the couch, and when he's asleep, he is _asleep_. Kevin's sitting next to Andrew on the kitchen stools, the three of them letting a comfortable silence overtake them.

Neil takes the cookies off of the cooling rack and sets them down on a plate. He slowly slides it over to Andrew and leans heavily into one of the cupboards. Everything still aches impossibly painfully, and he closes his eyes.

"Neil," Kevin says suddenly, and Neil snaps his eyes open. Kevin and Andrew are both gazing at him, the cookies untouched.

Neil sinks down into the stool left between the two. Kevin nods towards the cookies again and says, "You should eat some."

"What?" Neil asks. Andrew pushes the plate towards him and grabs a biscuit for himself.

"You've lost weight," Kevin says. He stands up and starts riffling through the cupboards, grabbing bread, ham and butter. He starts making a sandwich and continues, "I'm assuming Riko hardly let you eat?"

Neil searches through his mind for answers, "No, not Riko." He focuses on the memories, "A different Raven. The one with the long limbs and brown hair."

Kevin freezes from where he's buttering the bread. His head snaps up to look at Neil and then he quickly says in an urgent tone, " _Reacher_? _Did he touch you_?"

Andrew goes still and stops breaking his biscuit into small pieces. Neil stares at Kevin. He knows what he means by 'touch', but he's sure no one touched him like _that_. He breathes in a shaky breath and tries to locate his memories. He can remember vulgar and crass language and threats thrown at him, but Neil can also remember Jean not letting him out his sight, especially in the locker room or bathroom stalls.

"No," Neil answers, "People said...things, but Jean was always with me."

Kevin lets out a breath of relief and continues making the sandwich again, this time less rigid. Neil glances at Andrew, who's staring at the wooden counter with heavy eyes. Neil reaches over and grabs one of biscuits and Andrew snaps out of his stupor. The cookies were baked softly so they're not hard to chew, and Neil holds it in both of his hands and closes his eyes as he eats.

He's pretty sure he drifts again, but it's fine. He's got both Kevin and Andrew in the kitchen with him, and a Seth in the loungeroom who's snores could scare armies away. Neil's never been safer.

**Ⅵ**

The classes are a blur. Neil spends his time trying not to fall asleep instead of listening to the teachers, and when he has to visit Betsy he speaks about Exy rather than the exhaustion in him. At practice, he sneaks in to see what Andrew's like without the drugs, and Wymack catches him and makes him speak to Andrew, who's busy trying to break Dan and Kevin's ankles.

He exchanges the promise that Andrew will see his scars the next day if Andrew's compliant during the rest of practice, and then he's off to continue writing notes about the UT match.

Andrew finds him on Friday afternoon, holding a bag with the new clothes for Neil to wear tonight at Columbia. Andrew follows him into his room and helps Neil out of his shirt.

His fingers line up onto the raised bumps the iron scar had left behind, perfectly fitting. He observes Neil's torso with an expression that looks as though he's thousands of years away, and Neil can't help but find it comforting, and he traces the bullet wound lightly. They speak to one another, and then Andrew leaves Neil to get changed.

**Ⅶ**

"I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?"

"Every inch of you. That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you."

The world tilts a little bit sideways.

**Ⅷ**

Neil wasn't supposed to stick around long enough for the Foxes to get attached to him and for him them. He certainly wasn't supposed to stick around long enough for Neil to become _this_ interesting to Andrew. Neil was going to be dead in four, maybe five, months. He wasn't supposed to be anyone to anything.

Neil sighs and reaches into his bag. He's sitting out on the concrete outside Fox Tower. It's Sunday morning, and Neil had been heading to the grocery store when he saw the cat wandering outside. He had glanced at it once, twice and then left for the shop. He had grabbed cat food as well as the other things he needed, and now here he was.

Neil picks some kibble out and sprinkles it along the ground. The cat tilts its head at him. It's a few feet away, and is letting out little _mrows._ The cat is huge, a brown tabby with black stripes and honey eyes. It's patchy fur and sketchy gaze is enough to give Neil reason that it's a stray. Neil looks around him when the cat doesn't come closer, and when he see's nobody else he coos and pets his knees.

"Come here," He says quietly, "Here, kitty-kitty."

The cat waddles over to him and sends him a look before it starts gobbling down the dry food. Neil sprinkles some more around and the cat starts grumbling as it eats.

"Garbage cat," Neil says, and he reaches out to pet it. When all he receives is a tentative side-eye, Neil strokes its back.

He shows up at Wymack's house later with Garbage. The cat's entire body is the length of his torso and a little bit of his leg, and he has to hold him so he's cradled up against his neck. Wymack stares at him for full minute before he slowly nods. The cat immediately barges in like he owns the place.

Wymack says, "Reminds me of Andrew."

"His name is Garbage," Neil says, and they watch as he pisses on the carpet.

Wymack scrubs a hand down his face. He looks pained. "Of course it is."

**Ⅸ**

Neil shows the Foxes his tattoo and prepares to unite the team. He has to get through to Aaron first, though, and to do that he needs to speak to Katelyn. Before he sets off to find her, Neil quickly prepares the cheesecake, knowing he'll have to refrigerate it for a long while. He gets some help from _Sally's Baking Addiction_ again and once the cheesecake is in the fridge he sets off to find Katelyn.

She's reluctant to use the relationship she has with Aaron against him, but Neil hopes she see's that this is the right thing to do. Betsy herself is determined to help the twins, so now Neil just has to focus on the UT game.

At the airport, Andrew and Neil speak and Neil finds out about his fear of heights, and Neil tells him his father's name. When Andrew says he doesn't look like a Nathan, the name Nathaniel stumbles out through his throat, poisoning the air.

They get on the plane and have an hour to wander when they arrive at another airport. Neil joins Andrew's lot in walking around random stores aimlessly. Aaron starts looking at books and Nicky begins to stack junk food in his arms, much to Kevin's horror. Neil glances at Andrew and see's him by a glass figurine box.

Kevin and Nicky arguing brings him back over to them. "It's not all for me," Nicky insists, hugging his food, "There's enough to go around."

Kevin whacks him on the side of the head and tries to wrestle with him. Nicky starts shoving at his arms, hissing. Kevin argues, "No one needs to eat this before a game. Eat some granola or protein if you're hungry!"

Neil watches as a magazine falls down and hits Aaron on the head. "There's protein in peanut butter," Nicky says, "Let go of me before I tell Andrew you're outlawing chocolate." When Kevin continues trying to drag Nicky around, Nicky shouts to his cousin, "Andrew! _Andrew!_ Tell Kevin to stop being Satan!"

Andrew keeps his back to them. Aaron stands up and says, "I'm walking away and pretending I don't know you,"

"Traitor!" Nicky shouts after him. He squawks when Kevin starts slapping the food out of his hands. One of the store clerks eyes twitch.

Neil would rather not get banned from airport stores, so he decides to bargain. "Nicky, the cheesecake should be ready when we get back."

Nicky licks his lips and stops fighting. Kevin continues slamming Nicky's stuff onto the ground. Nicky looks between Neil and his fallen stock and then shakes his head, "No. Y'know what? No, I want this junk food now and I will get it! Our game's not for a few more hours, Kevin, and all the stuff will be out of our systems by then. You can even watch me take a shit, if you're into that--"

Nicky cuts himself off when Kevin storms away, almost running into a bamboozled Seth who looks at them all before turning and slowly walking away. Nicky hums happily, as if he can't feel the store clerks stink-eye, and starts picking up his cargo and Neil gradually turns away.

**Ⅹ**

They get to the University of Texas and Riko and Jean are there, and for a moment Neil can't breathe, can't even see anything except black eyes and black walls and a black, black future.

But then Wymack snaps him out if it and Neil realizes the Foxes need him now. Their chances of winning skyrocket when Andrew corrects some heights, meaning he's here tonight, and then Neil looks at Kevin and Wymack and wonders why nobody told him about Andrew's eidetic memory.

It doesn't matter after a few moments though, because they're walking out onto the court and it's game on.

They win. Seven-Six. Neil watches Renee speak to Jean and Riko, and then a reporter is speaking to him and Neil can't help but _not_ antagonize the Ravens. Rage at Kevin flows in afterwards and they argue, Neil wanting Kevin to take a stand and Kevin to afraid to.

"Who pissed in your cheerios?" Wymack asks when Neil storms towards the changing rooms. "In case you forget, we won."

"Just a difference of opinion," Neil says. He goes to walk past him but figures he should give Wymack a heads up about the reporters. "Oh, and sorry in advance about the press. In my defense, they started it."

Wymack looks down at him, "Christ alive." He says, "What'd you do this time, you little shit?"

Dan soldiers over to them, grinning. "He called Riko a Class I douchebag. Not in those exact words, but it was close."

"I should have asked for hazard pay when I took this job," Wymack mutters. He rubs at his forehead. "Out, out, out. I'm not dealing with your attitude problem until I have a few drinks," He jabs a finger at Neil, "And especially not since I took in that damn cat. I bet Betsy's having a field trip with him tonight."

Neil can't help but smile. Coach says a few more threats to get the Foxes moving, as he wants them gone in twenty minutes. Neil wastes at least ten in the shower, writing his name in the condensation over and over and over again until his skin is red raw from the heat, and he only comes out when Seth starts yelling for him.

**Ⅺ**

Neil wakes to loud voices and heavy footsteps in the hallway. He slides out of his room to investigate and opens the dorm room door. Dan immediately slips past him and marches off to Matt's room, so Neil follows after her.

She shakes Matt awake and Neil hears her say, "Matt. Matt. Hey. Wake up. Someone's trashed the cars."

Matt is up in an instant. Neil turns and open's Seth's room. He's laid out like a starfish, and Neil kicks him a few times to get him up.

"Wake up," Neil says, "The car's have been trashed."

Seth is up in an instant, just like Matt, and Neil has to wonder why they don't just say that to get them up every day. Neil walks out of Seth's rooms and grabs his keys from his bunk, and walks out to find Matt and Dan leaving out the front door. Seth stumbles out from his room and Neil throws a shirt from the couch at him, which he slips on, the fabric getting caught on his sweatpants.

Neil locks the door behind them and he and Seth catch up to Dan and Matt at the stairwell. Neil can see cops around in the hallways, speaking to upset occupants of the Fox Tower and can feel his heart sink slightly.

The four of them exit out of the Tower and freeze as they take in the sight, and Neil can't tell which is worse; the sight or the smell.

There's thick, disgusting layers of raw meat, eggs, mud and rocks spread out all over the athlete cars. Some cars were lucky enough to have only gotten a few scratches and cuts, but others have smashed in windows and slashed tires and carved words on their sides. Athletes snarl and rage as they take in the state of their cars, half on the phone and half staring at their vehicles in varying emotions.

Squad and campus security cars are parked around everywhere, taking statements from students and pictures of the revolting scene, and any tiny thought that this isn't Neil's fault dies when he takes in Matt's truck.

Someone had obviously taken extra time to wreck it; every window has been broken and shattered, and Neil can see glittering pieces of glass sprinkling the concrete. The tires have been slashed, deflated and dead, and new dents are spread all over the truck without a hint of sympathy. Seth and Matt make identical horrified noises, and Neil spots Allison's car two parking spots down in the same shape.

"The fuck?" Seth demands weakly.

"How did nobody hear this?" Matt asks in a strangled tone. He looks like he wants to go forward and examine his car more closely, but obviously doesn't want to get any closer to the mess than he has to.

Allison answers him in a hard voice, "They saved the windows for last," She jerks her head towards a man standing a few meters away from them, "Paris called the police when he heard the glass break, but he was too late when he got down here. He only saw four, maybe five, cars pull out of here like they had demons on their asses."

"Fuck," Seth breathes again, and the horrible feeling of guilt bursts through Neil again.

"Jesus," Matt says. Dan comes from behind him and wraps her arms around his waist. He holds onto her wrists tightly. "Are we really doing this again?"

"I'm sorry." Neil manages to say, and the upperclassmen turn to face him with fire in their faces.

Seth speaks before the others can. "No, you're not, shitface." It doesn't sound like an accusation, thankfully. Seth continues, "Don't you dare be sorry. Riko's a sad piece of shit who can't handle the truth, and this should just prove it to everyone."

"Have you forgotten who paints over your face everyday?" Allison demands Neil. She points a finger to her own face, "If you'd let them steamroll you yesterday after all this, I'd hate you."

Dan nods firmly. "It's not your fault they don't like the truth."

Matt's eyes snap over the parking lot. "Hey," He says, insistently, and Neil turns to see what he see's.

Andrew's making his way into the parking lot, led by Renee. Andrew stops by the upperclassmen instead of making his way to his own car a few parking lots away, and Neil can't see anything on Andrew's face as he observes the damage done to Matt and Allison's car.

"I'm sorry," Renee says to Allison as she hooks her arm through hers.

"Has anyone called Coach?" Neil asks.

"He's the one that called us," Dan answers, "The cops are notifying all the other coaches and getting them down here to corral us. He should be here any minute."

Andrew hums from his place by Neil's side, turning away to make for his car. Neil glances over at Renee, but she nods for him to go after him. Neil follows. The amount of athletes in the parking lot has tripled since he joined the ranks, and Neil can't look any of them in the face. None of them deserved this.

He hates feeling this sickened sense of guilt. It's never bothered him before--collateral damage--but his time with the Foxes has changed him. Every upset cry, every rage-filled phone call and every sound of an angry fist against ruined metal has Neil's mind ringing.

Neil looks up from the ground when Andrew stops, and can't help but gape in shock at the sight. Compared to Andrew's car, Matt's looks like a Christmas gift. The vehicle looks as though a sledgehammer was taken to it, hateful hits pounded everywhere throughout the cars frame, bending it oddly and angrily. What's left of the hood has red spray-paint drawn over it, saying _TRAITOR._ Both the front and back seats have been shredded to bits of fabric, mangled from knife strikes that could fit through the now non-existent windows. Burst compost bags filled the interior of the car, shards of glass mixed with the coffee filters and chicken bones and rotten fruits and vegetables, and on top of the mountain of garbage lays a dead, bloodied fox.

"There's number ten," Andrew murmurs to Neil, and he couldn't reply even if he wanted to. Nicky makes an anguished cry and rushes forward with Kevin and Aaron in tow.

"No, no, no," Nicky wails as he runs his hand over the hood, "What have they done to you, baby?" He looks up and a horrified noise escapes him, "Oh, god! There's a dead animal in our car! There's a dead animal in the car, Aaron!"

Neil makes the mistake of meeting Kevin's wide green eyes. The flare with the anger of, _I told you so._ Neil looks away, but only in time to feel hands shove him to the ground. He goes down hard, hitting the asphalt with a guttural sound he doesn't mean to let out. Neil lands on one of his many bruises, and the scratches and cuts on his hands _scream_ when they collide with the rough ground.

"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?" Aaron snarls down at him.

"I'm sorry," Neil says, and he can't hide the pain in his voice. "I thought he'd come after me. I didn't think you'd all get caught up in it."

"Right," Aaron snarks, "So that's why there were only nine dead foxes in the Fox Tower instead of ten that time, right?" He jabs a finger at the other fox in the car and says, "That one must mean you, then? I hope it does, maybe then you'll finally be gone, you dead-weight useless piece of shit."

Neil isn't going to get up and defend himself, but it turns out he doesn't have to. Allison storms past Neil's body and slaps Aaron so hard his head snaps to one side. She looks like she's going to hit again, but Andrew moves faster than Neil has ever seen him. He grabs her arm and twists it violently behind her back, and she slams to the ground, and he uses his other hand to grab the back of her neck. If she moves, her neck will be snapped.

Neil is up on his feet before he knows it. He slams his arm against Seth's stomach to stop him from attacking Andrew, and Renee moves past them and wraps her body around Allison, whispering comforting words.

Someone behind them, most likely a stranger, starts saying, "Whoa, Jesus," but Neil only has eyes for Andrew, Allison and Renee.

"Stop," Neil snarls to Seth when he tries to shove past him again. Seth glances at him and falters at whatever look is on his face.

"Andrew," Renee says, "It's just Allison, okay? It's just Allison."

"It is not 'just' anyone when she lays a hand on what's mine." Andrew says, "Let go."

"You know I won't," Renee replies, "You told me to protect them."

"You should have been faster," Andrew shoots back.

"Fucking hell, Andrew," Seth says. His whole entire body is rigid. He's obviously stopping himself from lurching forward.

Neil glances around at the others. Dan, Matt and Seth are all white-faced, staring at Allison. Nicky has dropped to his knees and is grasping Allison's hand in his, squeezing it in comfort. Aaron is staring between his brother and Allison, eyes wide and face hard to read. Kevin's gone still, frozen as he stares.

It's only a matter of time before someone besides the Foxes comes over--or worse, gets a police officer. Neil has no idea how Andrew will react.

"Andrew," Renee says quietly, "Give her back to me."

Neil steps forward once and says in German, "That's enough." He knows he can't appeal to Andrew's better nature, and he can't use Kevin again, so Neil will have to improvise. He waves a hand in front of Andrew's face and waits for him to flick it a hooded like before he continues. "That's enough, Andrew."

"You don't get to decide that." Andrew says. His voice is still deathly blank.

"Actually, I do," Neil replies, "If you hurt her, you disqualify us, and you promised you'd stop cutting them off at the knees. You said you'd cooperate at least until we destroyed the Ravens. Did you lie to me?"

Andrew says, "I did not promise you that."

"You promised you'd have my back this year," Neil is pulling at strings now, bending the rules of the truth, "And I told you where I was going. It's all the same at this point, whether you want that or you don't. So, do you have my back or not?" Neil pauses, and when the answer doesn't come quick enough he adds, "Andrew."

Andrew doesn't reply. Neil says, "Look at me."

Andrew does. The amount of darkness in his gaze almost makes Neil step back in shock. Andrew hasn't shown anything other than nothing in the past two weeks since he's came back sober, so seeing such an intense blackness has Neil in shock, which is quickly followed by relief. Now he knows that Andrew can be reached.

"Fuck you," Andrew says.

"Do you or don't you?" Neil repeats. Andrew's stare has all of Neil's hairs on end, but he holds it, daring that anger to turn on him instead of Allison.

"I made him a promise," Andrew says, "I won't break his to keep yours."

Neil doesn't understand, but Aaron finally startles out of his staring and says, "Andrew, I--That's--No, Andrew. No. It's alright. I'm alright. It didn't even hurt."

Neil files away the questions that pop into his mind to ask later. He thinks he already knows the answers, but he's also going to hope Aaron's not as stupid as Neil thinks he is.

Andrew and Neil stare at one another for an endless second, minute, eternity before Andrew lets go of her and she collapses onto the asphalt. Neil holds his hands out to stop the upperclassmen from rushing forward, and luckily they listen to his silent order.

While Renee helps Allison up, Andrew's hand slowly comes up to rest on Neil's neck. Neil wonders if Andrew's going to squeeze the life out of him, but he drops it after a second.

Dan, Matt and Seth search over Allison and Dan turns on Andrew. "You asshole. _You fucking asshole._ You could have seriously hurt her!"

"You do not have the right to act surprised," Andrew responds. His voice is back to a deadpan, eyes heavy-lidded and shoulders relaxed. It's like nothing ever happened. "That is the second time in a week of many that one of you has forgotten the one very simple rule. Don't touch my things. You do not get to take offense when you force my hand."

"You--"

"What the fuck is going on here?" Wymack's voice startles them all, and Neil's heart almost cracks through his ribs. He has to look away from the anger on Wymack's face.

Nobody _really_ tells him what happened, all too busy sending digs at each other until Neil himself summarizes what occurred in simple, easy words. Wymack looks exasperated and exhausted, but he somehow brings himself to tell Andrew that they're having a chat later, after all the car chaos is sorted out. He then stomps off, and the upperclassmen head back to their own cars.

Andrew and Kevin take up post by the front of the car and Aaron continues staring at his brother. Neil glances over at Nicky, who's still settled on the asphalt. When Nicky see's him looking he smiles weakly and says, "Suppose it's too early to ask for that cheesecake, Neil?"

**Ⅻ**

Neil talks to Aaron and finds out that the twins deal is that Andrew will protect Aaron from woman who hurt him like his mother did, and Aaron, in turn, will stay with him. He goes for a run that rips him inside out and makes him stop being 'Neil' and returns to the dorm and has a shower, where he can finally breathe.

He stares into his reflection afterwards, lets his Icy gaze stare back at him. He blinks. Breathes. Becomes Neil again.

And then he goes and gets the cheesecake out of the fridge.

**ⅫⅠ**

Nicky's vague message about Andrew being back tells Neil that Nicky obviously wants him around in case things turn around again. A quick chat with Nicky convinces him that Andrew's lurking up on the roof, so Neil invites himself up.

Andrew's sitting on the edge with a bottle of vodka between his leg, and Neil sits just out of his reach beside him, trying to quiet the skip his heart feels at the huge four-story drop. He glances down at the parking lot, where a cleaning crew is still working. The police cars are gone, but there's still a single campus security car keeping watch.

Andrew is the first to speak. He flicks the cigarette box at Neil. "Give me one good reason to not push you off the side right now."

"You're offering me a cigarette. I know you won't push me, and, besides," Neil observes the fall, "I'd just drag you with me. It's a long way down."

"I hate you," Andrew says, but it's hard to believe him when his voice is so deadpan.

"Not enough to kill me, apparently." Neil can't help but jab. The look Andrew sends him is both unimpressed and unconcerned.

"Ninety percent of the time the very sight of you makes me want to commit murder. I think about carving your skin from your body and hanging it out as a warning to every other fool who thinks they can stand in my way."

"What about the other ten?"

Andrew ignores that. He takes a swing from the vodka bottle and wipes his mouth with his thumb. "I warned you not to put a leash on me."

"I didn't," Neil says evenly, "You put that leash on yourself when you told me to stay no matter what. Don't be mad at me just because I was smart enough to pick up the end of it."

"If you pull it again, I will kill you."

"Maybe when the year is up, you will," Neil replies, "But until then there's not a whole lot you can do."

"I don't think it was the money," Andrew says. Neil looks at him, confused, so Andrew elaborates, "I think eventually the people who were chasing you realized how much more important it was to hurt you rather than recouping what they had lost."

"So you say, but you still won't hit me."

"The time is fast approaching," Andrew says, "After the cheesecake is finished."

Neil observes him, trying to search for any of that infinite rage that had been in his eyes before in the parking lot, but he see's nothing.

"Good thing it's finished then," Neil says. He turns back to the parking lot. Tugging a sleeping dragon's tail sounds like a good way to die a painful death, but Neil doesn't mind. "I want to see you lose control."

Andrew freezes with his hand half-way to the vodka bottle. He eyes Neil. "Last year you wanted to live. Now you seem awfully bent on getting yourself killed. I would ask you why in another honesty game round, but I've had enough of your stupidity to last me a week."

Neil stands. "That's funny. I could've sworn that just now you said you'd hit me when the cheesecake is done."

"Go away."

"Am I bothering you?"

"Beyond the telling."

Neil can't help but jab one last time. He's already standing, and he can outrun Andrew if he tries to throw him off the edge, but Neil knows he won't. "Interesting," Neil says, "Didn't you say last week that nothing gets under your skin?"

Andrew doesn't reply. Neil takes the victory and makes his way back down into the Tower, leaving Andrew alone with his vodka.

Neil doesn't get very far.

The elevator dings and Neil looks back over his shoulder on instinct, and he gets no more than a glance at Aaron's furious face before he's slammed up against the wall. His head rings when it makes contact with the surface, and he's shoved up against it once more before he gets his bearings. Neil's legs are undoubtedly the strongest part about him; he knees Aaron in the stomach and then uses his shins and thighs to twist them around.

He and Aaron land on the floor and Neil straddles Aaron, punching him on the temple. The blonde brings his knee up against Neil's back, and then the two are wrestling, fighting for victory. Aaron manages to punch Neil twice in the head before they're ripped apart by unknown hands.

Neil darts a look around when he's plucked from the ground. They've gained a quick and small crowd from the nearest rooms, all of them athletes that Neil's seen in passing.

Aaron makes a violent attempt to get free, and when he realizes he can't he settles for darkly glowering at Neil from across the room.

"Cool it," Ricky, a senior soccer player warns them. "We've got enough to deal with right now. We don't need to add your bullshit to the list."

"We're good," Neil says. He knows Aaron isn't keen on other people being in his business, so he adds, "Right, Aaron?"

However, instead of waiting for privacy, Aaron snaps in German, "Fuck you! What the fuck did you tell her?"

The harsh sounds of German catches the other athletes off guard, and it gives Neil an opening to respond. He knows there's only one 'her' that Aaron would ever get this mad about. "Why, did she finally make up her mind? Did you show up at her door hoping to cry on her shoulder and get an ultimatum instead?"

"You should know, asshole!"

"Hey," Ricky snaps, right as Nicky and the upperclassmen make an appearance, "Calm down, we said."

Neil ignores them. They have no place in this. "I told her to make a stand. I figured that if anyone could get you to grow a spine, it'd be her. If I knew just how stupid you were at the time, I would have been more considerate."

Aaron seethes, and Neil knows he's crossed a line. "You had no right to bring her into this, and you have no right to tell _me_ to grow a spine when _you_ hide behind my brother like a rejected dog."

Nicky's eyes widen, and Neil snaps, "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. You've occupied that position ever since you got mad at Andrew for doing what he said he would."

Aaron makes another wild attempt to get free and Nicky holds a hand out between them, saying, "Jesus. Chill, you two. What the fresh hell's going on?"

The man holding Aaron, Amal, lightens his grip until he's not restraining him anymore and Aaron looks as though he's considering coming for Neil again before he takes a half-step back and tells Nicky, "Katelyn's refusing to see me or talk to me until Andrew and I get counselling."

"Christ," Nicky says, and he looks at Neil. Ricky let's go of him and Nicky continues, "Damn, Neil."

"Don't you dare take his side!" Aaron snaps, and Nicky looks at his cousin as if he's crazy.

"Why shouldn't I? You never let me take yours anyway."

Aaron shoves Nicky aside and storms into his dorm room, where Kevin's holding the dorm room open. Kevin stares at Neil, eyes indicating that he's not very happy at the moment, and Neil hopes his own eyes convey how little he gives a single fuck.

**ⅪⅤ**

Wymack calls out Tetsuji for not condemning the Raven fans, to which he responds with a surprisingly supportive message...until he ends with calling them dogs. Practice is shit, with Dan seething about Edgar Allen, Aaron being silent the whole time and Kevin's patience wearing thin. Kevin and Neil almost get into each other until Matt and Seth break them up, and then Wymack corners him in the locker room and asks him if it's true that this all-out-war is his fault.

For a second, Neil's Nathaniel again, a child sitting on the table chair.

He's too young to be truly _terrified_ around his father yet, but he knows to be wary and scared and he gazes at the wood instead of Nathan across from him. He has a bruise on his temple from where he was hit during class. He can't be more than five. Four.

Nathan lets out a deep sigh and puts both hands on the table, leaning forward. "Look at me." He says.

Nathaniel stares at the wood.

"I said," His voice lowers to a whisper. " _Look at me._ "

He looks up and meets his ashen ice eyes. Nathan raises his eyebrows, "You remember what we said about people pushing you around?"

"Yes." His voice is childish and round. His _s_ has a soft _t_ at the end of it. He's so young. He's too young.

"Yes?"

"Yes, Sir."

Nathan nods. "Then repeat what I said."

"You said," Nathaniel stumbles out, "You said that if people don't...un'rstand. You...make them."

"If people don't understand," Nathan says slowly, "If people don't understand what?"

Nathaniel squints and thinks back to their conversation. "If they don't know who's n'charge."

Nathan nods again. He stands to his full height. "If someone doesn't understand who's in charge, you make them. It's like a bone," He turns away from him. There's a piece of red meat on the kitchen counter, and Nathan pulls out a cleaver from the rack.

"If you can't fix it..." Nathan continues, "Then you break it."

His cleaver smacks down onto the counter, slicing the meat in half.

Nathaniel jolts. Not from the cleaver against the meat, but from the hand waving in front of his face. Right. Wymack. The Foxes. Neil Josten.

Neil turns to look at Wymack, who's staring down at him. "Kid?" He says warily, "You still with me?"

Neil pries his hand off of his locker door, and finds angry red indents on his palm. He looks at Wymack and nods once.

"Yes," He manages to get out, "I'm still with you."

**ⅩⅤ**

On Tuesday Neil makes his way to the Cousin's dorm room. He hopes to the High Heavens that Aaron isn't there, and by some miracle it's Nicky who answers the door. He smiles when he see's him and smiles even wider when he see's the cargo he's holding.

The cheesecake.

Andrew makes his way over from his usual spot in a rare form of interest and Neil places the cake on the bench. Neil waited longer than he should have to give it over to them, so the flavor has definitely dimmed, but Nicky and Andrew don't seem to mind as they stuff their faces with it.

**ⅩⅤⅠ**

Neil convinces Andrew to let him buy him a new car, exchanging his money for Andrew's promise that he will no longer take cracker dust during night's at Eden's. The next day is Nathaniel Wesninski's 19th birthday, and Neil is walking into the locker room, his brain already playing the Exy game out on the court and he's opening his locker door--

And then blood.

Slippery like thick syrup and as red as red food colouring. A pool of it.

_All over his things._

His heart beats from his chest and he tries to reach for his things but Seth grabs him and he's fighting and he needs to _get his things,_ and then Andrew's stopping him from ripping his locker apart and Wymack's there and Matt's getting a towel and--

**_HAPPY 19 TH BIRTHDAY JR._ **

Red like blood. Red like velvet cake.

**49**

Wymack doesn't call the police when Neil convinces him not to. Matt brings him extra gear. The Foxes play their game against the Terrapins and win with a _9-4_ and the crowd roars loud enough to be deafening, but all Neil can hear is begging on a basement floor.

Aaron calls him out in front of the Foxes so Neil calls him out back. Andrew confesses to the murder of Tilda Minyard in few words and his anger is a forceful wave and then it washes over like a tide, leaving a blank mask in the sand.

The upperclassmen discuss what they've learned about the twins back in the safety of their dorm and Neil distracts himself by making fox-shaped biscuits. There's a buzz in his pocket half-way through the shaping process, and Neil observes the _49,_ but he deletes it after a moment when nothing more comes.

He puts his phone down and continues using the cookie-cutter, and he watches out of the corner of his eye as Seth walks over and halts next to him. 

"Predictable," Seth murmurs as he eyes the fox biscuits.

"Shut up," Neil answers him. He can hear the other upperclassmen speaking quietly in the loungeroom. "Get started on the icing."

Seth sighs and grabs the materials, and after the cookies finish baking they both carefully colour the foxes in orange and white, and Seth insists on putting little numbers on their chest as well, but they stop when they reach ten and repeat the numbers until there are none left.

**ⅩⅤⅠⅠⅠ**

Neil helps Wymack with the new recruit files, Neil second-guessing himself every two seconds and Wymack staring at the pictures of the recruits while snacking on his own batch of fox biscuits.

As Neil goes to leave, he doesn't get very far before Wymack is nonchalantly telling him he's going to be vice-captain next year, and then he won't let Neil refuse and Neil has to stop breathing to stop himself from saying, _I'm going to be dead soon!_

He makes it to the curve of The Foxhole court parking lot and breathes harshly for a minute long before he hears someone say his name. Neil glances around and only then realizes he's been on the phone for a whole minute. Andrew must have been listening to him having a panic attack.

"Come and get me from the stadium." Neil hears himself say. Andrew waits two seconds before he hangs up, and fifteen minutes later the rental car pulls up.

Getting in the car is a blur and driving back in it while Kevin and Andrew drive the other is even more so. Going to the roof afterwards and finally _breathing_ is enough to make him stumble from his stupor.

Andrew passes him a cigarette and Neil goes to turn away before he see's that Andrew is offering him another thing. A car key. He must stare at it for too long, because Andrew drops it onto the concrete between them.

"A man can only have so many issues," Andrew says, retelling his words from when the two had dealt with the phone. "It is just a key."

"You're a foster child. You know it isn't."

Neil speaks and digs his fingers into the teeth of the key. Andrew listens and takes bored drags of his smoke, but his eyes are on Neil the entire time. That is enough.

"You gave me a key and called it home," Neil says, glazing his eyes over Andrew's face. The bridge of his nose. The freckles over his cheeks. The gold flecks in his eyes and the strength of his jaw. "I haven't had a home since my parents died.

Andrew forces him to look away with a finger in his cheek. "Don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine."

Neil looks back at him despite the finger in his face. "I don't want an answer." Neil says. He tries to find his words. "I just want--"

Neil cuts himself off. Wanting something for himself has never been important in Neil's life, but right now Neil knows what he _needs._ He finishes his sentence with a vague gesture, "I'm tired of being nothing."

He meets Andrew eye's and see's a dark look in his eyes. It's not bad, though, and Neil realizes what it is. Understanding.

"You are a fox," Andrew replies, "You are always going to be nothing." They gaze at one another for a long moment before Andrew turns away, stubbing his cig out. He says, "I hate you."

"Nine percent of the time you don't," Neil says, leaning forward slightly subconsciously. He can smell the faint smoke coming from Andrew's dying cigarette and breathes in the scent. Neil closes his eyes to focus on it better.

"Nine percent of the time I don't want to kill you," Andrew says. Neil opens his eyes and see's how close they've gotten. He would move, but he feels the air tighten around them.

Neil says quietly, "Every time you say that I believe you a little less."

"No one asked you," Andrew says, and then they're kissing.

It's unlike any kiss Neil's ever had. Those before had been fragile and boring, sparking nothing but disappointment. None of them had been worth Mary's wrath, but for this one Neil would take every single hit if it meant it could continue.

Andrew kisses him like the world starts and stops with Neil's mouth, like he's trying to pour himself into Neil. Neil kisses back with a desperation he didn't know he had, eyes closing tightly and hand wounding it's way into the threads of Andrew's jacket, careful not to touch skin.

Andrew pulls back slightly at the touch, and their lips brush together as he speaks, "Tell me no."

Neil feels as though he's winded, like he's ran five marathons. But he also feels strong, like he can run five more. "Yes," Neil murmurs again his lips, "Andrew, _yes._ "

Their lips crash back together and Neil doesn't think about marathons, of worlds or past kisses or Mary's punishments. He just thinks about Andrew, and what they're sharing. Always Andrew, and only Andrew, and the sweetness of his mouth.

**ⅩⅠⅩ**

They have to pull back for air eventually, taking in quiet breaths of the cold wind. They haven't touched each other any more than Neil's hand on Andrew's sleeve, refusing to have a mind of it's own, and Andrew's gentle fingers settled against Neil's neck, a grounding force. They stare at each other for a moment before Andrew speaks.

"I need you to be able to tell me no," Andrew says. Him admitting to needing something should probably make Neil flutter, but the context of why it's so important to Andrew dampens the feeling. Andrew's hand twitches like it wants a cigarette in it, but he either can't look away or he's refusing himself to _not_ meet Neil's gaze, steady and heavy.

Neil would nod, but he feels like his stomach has collapsed into itself in the best possible way. Instead, he says, "Of course," because Neil knows Andrew needs to here it, and he knows he'd never do something like that to the blonde.

Andrew drags a thumb over his own lip and, despite Neil's agreement, continues, "I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be."

Neil opens and closes his mouth and tries again, "The next time one of them says you're soulless I might have to fight them."

"Ninety-two percent," Andrew says, "Going on ninety-three."

It's such an Andrew response that Neil can't help but smile. He turns his head towards the horizon and would like nothing more than to sit there and watch the sun with Andrew, but he knows a dismissal when he see's it. Neil lets go of Andrew's sleeve and scoops up the car key. Andrew turns his head back to the sky and Neil turns to walk away.

"Cupcakes," Andrew says before Neil can go.

Neil looks at him and tells him, "I made those biscuits yesterday."

"Nicky ate them all," Andrew replies, and then repeats, "Cupcakes. Chocolate. Sprinkles."

Neil smile turns into something softer, and he glances down at the car keys before back at Andrew's back, "Hey," He says, "Thank you."

Andrew doesn't reply. Neil heads back down inside the Fox Tower, and by some miracle it's empty. Neil sets an alarm for dinner time and as soon as his head hits the pillow he's gone, head still full of mushed thoughts and body still warm and comfortable from Andrew's closeness.

He jolts awake, earlier than his alarm intended, to the sound of his phone buzzing. Neil pats around the bed for it and brings it up to his face, where he reads the new text, _48._

Neil deletes the message and shuts the phone off, and is about to go back to sleep but hears the murmuring of the television in the loungeroom. He figures he should go and greet the upperclassmen, so he pulls himself off the bed and gives himself time to clear his head.

**ⅩⅩ**

Neil gets a _47_ the next day and frowns down at it. He's trying to do his homework, but he realizes that someone's giving him a countdown and stands up to look at the calendar instead.

Neil counts through the days and ends up on March 9th. It's an odd day to land on, the last day before Spring Break and a minor game occurring that night. There shouldn't be anything major about the date, and Neil stares at the text for a moment longer before deleting the message and deciding to bake those cupcakes Andrew was talking about. He won't be able to focus on his homework now, anyway.

On Monday morning the rest of the Foxes find out about Andrew's Maserati and Matt and Nicky and Seth fawn over it, looking as though they could cry as they gaze at the black, sleek vehicle. Dan listens as Matt lists off the stats and facts about the car and Allison tells Seth she can just get him one when he attempts to hug the hood, Nicky jumping around in circles behind him. Neil can tell Aaron is trying his hardest to hide his expressions, but the tilt of his head as he listens to Matt's knowledge gives him away.

Neil and Andrew watch as Matt, Seth and Nicky start speaking to each other in what sounds like an entirely different language, and Neil pulls the container of cupcakes from his bag. Andrew immediately grabs one and holds his head out the window so he can eat it without contaminating his car with crumbs.

Neil glances at Kevin, who's standing by his side and staring at the trio in front of them with a mystified expression. Neil nudges him with the container, and Kevin blindly reaches down for a cupcake.

**ⅩⅩⅠ**

Over the week Neil tries to fit as much Exy things into his life as possible, watching old games and studying more and more tactics with a very willing Kevin. But, as much as Neil loves Exy, his mind always trails back to one thing: Andrew. His eyes follow after him every time he crosses the room, lips buzzing with a foreign feeling every time they make eye contact.

However, Neil's quickly distracted yet again when Kengo Moriyama collapses at a board meeting, and he watches interviews where Riko's ugly expression finally shows when a reporter asks if he's visiting his father in hospital.

The Foxes play SUA and win by a margin and Neil gets a _42_ when they hop back on the bus. He types _go away_ but deletes it immediately, not wanting to acknowledge whoever's responsible for the countdown. Instead, Neil shuts off his phone and goes to celebrate with the upperclassmen.

Throughout the week Wymack continues pushing the Foxes with hard and long practices, and Neil gets help from the girl's with the recruitment files. Kevin harps at him for a particular file, but Neil holds it to his chest and refuses to let go until Kevin puts his hands up in annoyance and storms off. On Tuesday Kengo is released from hospital and answers the press's questions with a stony silence, and on Wednesday Aaron joins in on Andrew's weekly therapy lessons and says that, yes, they will continue going together when Wymack asks.

On Friday they don't go to Columbia, the twins cold war brought down to a whole new level. Instead, Neil gets dragged by Nicky into the cousin's room, and after a calculating look on Nicky's face Seth is invited as well. Matt and the girls are out somewhere so Seth shrugs and agrees, sending Neil a slightly shocked look as he follows.

Neil sits on the couch and watches as Seth, Andrew and Nicky team up on a horror game, listening to the bloody graphics and unnerving music companioned by Nicky's laugh whenever Seth jumps, curses and dies.

Kevin catches Neil's eye after fifteen minutes, and the two start watching Vermont's most recent games, one turning into two and two nearly turning into three. Nicky barges in not after long, trying to see what they're up to. He scoffs when he see's the Exy game and demands Neil drives him and Seth to the store to get ice cream.

Neil almost automatically declines, but he remembers his conversation with Nicky in the library all those weeks ago. He falters and glances at Kevin, and whatever the latter see's in Neil's face makes Kevin unpuff his feathers.

"Go," He says, and Neil understands what he see's. If Neil lives past May he can watch Exy reruns every night for the rest of his life, but if he doesn't he'll regret not spending more time with the Foxes in his last moments. Exy would always be there, but the Foxes memories are precious and Neil wants to be able to hold handfuls of them.

Seth whoops and he and Nicky start galloping for the door after recording everyone's requests, and Neil follows. They drive to the store empty-handed and return to the dorms with armfuls of pints of ice cream, but Nicky and Seth disappear again not long later in search of movies in the other dorms, leaving Kevin in his room and Neil and Andrew in the loungeroom.

Neil turns to look at Andrew on the couch behind him. Neil's leaning against the couch on his beanbag and Andrew's settled into the arm of the couch, stirring his ice cream to make it softer. His eyes meet Neil's immediately when he turns.

"Hi," Neil says. It's stupid.

Andrew stares at him. He says, "Hi." It's even more stupid.

They're kissing in the next second, sharing their heartbeats and breath and warmth that Neil's sure even the ice cream couldn't cool.

**ⅩⅩⅠⅠ**

The weeks leading up to the death match are hectic, practices full on.

Dan's voice has a heavy edge to it as she directs her Foxes, and Matt's usual easiness is dampened by his anxious mood. Allison has taken to yelling at the defense line to get her stress out, and even Nicky is quiet during practices alongside Aaron. Renee's calm façade breaks during her, Andrew and Neil's walks around the court and Neil knows better than to ask if she's alright.

Neil's own temper almost snaps in two when Kevin and Seth nearly break out into a fight, and he stands between them and stares at them so darkly they don't speak for the rest of practice. Only Andrew is the unmovable force in the goal, face as impassive as always. It's comforting, and Neil takes a look at him every time he needs to breathe again.

He doesn't have much time to think, much less to bake, so he spends the weeks just focusing on Exy, and Exy alone.

**ⅩⅩⅠⅠⅠ**

They play the Catamounts and win with a _10-3._ They've gotten past the first death match for the first time, and Neil grins. He tries to speak to Andrew about their win and when it doesn't work he's annoyed enough to say, _Enough_ in response to a _28._ No one responds.

A TV crew comes by The Foxhole Court on Thursday afternoon to film a segment for the Foxes in their NCAA show, and Neil tells Coach Moriyama to resign when it's his turn to speak. The noise Kevin makes isn't human, but the shark-tooth grin Wymack gives him is.

Saturday morning starts with a text from Wymack telling them Kengo's been hospitalized again, and then Neil's thoughts derail to a most-like pacing Nathan in his prison cell, and then he's hit with the sudden, surprising guilt as Andrew hands him a coffee mug. He never told Andrew the truth about who exactly he's protecting Neil from, and as such has no idea what's waiting for him if he decides to stand between Neil and his father after all. Neil hadn't cared as long as it had brought him more time with the Foxes, and now he's suffering the consequences.

The sudden urge to convince Andrew to break their deal is huge, and Neil tries but Andrew refuses without hesitation. It would look too suspicious to continue arguing, so Neil settles back into his beanbag and closes his eyes again.

The Foxes win their game against Nevada with _7-6,_ the game stressful at the end when Neil and Kevin are forced to do a shoot-out with the Nevada strikers, and on Thursday night the Foxes all gather in the lounge to watch the Ravens against Maryland and Trojans against Penn State games.

Afterwards, Neil is in awe. The teams all play like professionals, and Kevin's harsh words about the Foxes never being ready for these schools sounds like a dangerous understatement now.

"We," Dan says as she turns the tv volume down. It's half-time, and they're listening to the commentators now, "...We need to step it up, guys."

"Step it up?" Seth asks, and gestures at the screen, "We're fucked."

Kevin opens his mouth to say something Neil knows will be negative and dismissing, so he hits the back of his head before he can speak. Kevin blinks slowly and turns to face Neil even slower. He raises a finger to Neil's face and says, "If you hit me again--"

Andrew cuts in with a casual, "You'll what?"

Matt chokes on his laughter on the couch and Allison sends a look at Dan. Seth grins at Andrew and Nicky looks between the three of them. Neil looks at Renee for help, but there's only a small smile on her face.

**ⅩⅩⅠⅤ**

The Foxes have a game against Binghamton University, and the bus ride there will be eight hours long. Neil is on his way to the store to pick up ingredients for apple pie for the trip when Andrew directs him to the Maserati instead.

They drive further into downtown than Neil thought they would, and Andrew lets Neil buy the things he needs before driving them down to another store, this one an animal one. Neil sends Andrew a questioning look as they walk inside, but Andrew doesn't show any reaction and Neil only understands what they're doing when Andrew starts stocking up on cat food, animal beds and toys.

"Ah," Neil says, and Andrew looks at him. Neil continues, "You've met Garbage."

Andrew nods and Neil helps him carry the huge, fluffy pink bed into the car when they pay. They stop at Wymack's on the way back and he stares at them as they carry the bed in. Garbage yowls with triumph and he stomps his way towards them, and Andrew brushes him while Neil makes the pie.

Wymack continues staring at the huge, fluffy pink bed in his house.

**ⅩⅩⅤ**

Neil's bus ride is spent convincing Andrew to break their deal, which he does in the end. Neil distracts himself from the day's nerve-wracking _0_ and the two spend the next three hours talking about nothing and everything, the truths deep in their minds and out in the air and when everyone else gets off to go to the toilet, they quiet down and kiss instead.

The Foxes gobble down the apple pie and reach Binghampton and Neil forgets about everything. He tells Andrew _"Anything"_ and Andrew shuts down the goal like his life depends on it, chewing out the backliner's when strikers get through. Matt's grinning like it's the most fun he's had in years, and Seth asks Neil what he said to Andrew in a mystified voice.

They win the game, but Neil hardly notices because a brawl breaks out and Neil drags Kevin away to show Andrew he's alright. Neil helps Dan with press, and he showers in the men's room after. They have stalls, so Neil doesn't have to wait for the girl's room.

Neil's phone starts buzzing in his pocket after he's changed and he slides it out into his hand. There's no name, but there doesn't have to be. There's a _443_ as an area code.

Baltimore is calling, and there's no more rabbit holes to run into this time.

**0**

"Thank you. You were amazing."

Andrew's eyes burn gold, and Neil wonders if this is what heartbreak is.

**ⅩⅩⅤⅠⅠ**

There's knives, and a dashboard lighter, but if Nathaniel thinks about it hard enough the smell of burning flesh switches to the smell of apple pie, and the sound of breaking skin turns to cheerful teammates. Turns to Andrew's voice. Turns to nothing--not much at all.

Nathan steps forward. Nathaniel thinks about Beverly on the ground, begging, and his mother whispering one last word before her body sags, lifeless. He thinks about the Foxes and everything amazing about them, and he thinks about Andrew.

And then Nathaniel looks up, and blue meets blue.

He's still staring at the blue ashen electricity of Nathan's eyes as he lays on the floor, nothing more than a corpse with a round of bullets embedded into his head. Nathaniel laughs when he reaches outside because the blood splattered all over him looks like 100's & 1000's, and the brain matter plastered in his hair and down his throat tastes like thick gallons of pastry.

**ⅩⅩⅤⅠⅠⅠ**

Nathaniel says, "I want to see my teammates."

"What came before Seattle?" Browning repeats.

**ⅩⅩⅠⅩ**

Nathaniel looks into the darks of Andrew's eyes and the tint of red in his one eye, where the force of something had hit him.

"They could have blinded you," Nathaniel says, "All that time spent fighting and you never learnt how to duck?"

Andrew ignores his voice and keeps unwrapping his bandages. Nathaniel can't help but flinch away when his fingers brush against his burn's gauze. Andrew halts his fingers and continues more slowly and more gently.

"Christ, Neil," Wymack says when the burns are left uncovered, and Nathaniel lets Andrew tilt his head back and forth.

"I'm sorry," Nathaniel says, because he is.

Andrew's fist goes back, but nothing happens. His arm shakes furiously, but it drops limp and hangs in the handcuff.

"Say it again," Andrew says, his voice a rock, "And I will kill you."

**ⅩⅩⅩ**

Nathaniel and Andrew speak to the FBI and Nathaniel enters the hotel again as Neil. He lets Abby look over his wounds and gazes at Andrew when he can't stomach staring at the burns and cuts. He thinks about how the Foxes aren't letting him go and it is enough to silence the sound of his panicked breathing.

Wymack comes into the room as Abby is half-way done with Neil's left arm, and he stares at Neil's injuries with a gaze so dark Neil knows if he had ever met his father, Nathan would not have lived. When Neil requests that leave Baltimore they do, and Neil stares out the window as they pull up to the Foxhole Court, as they pull up _home._

He explains his life to the Foxes. His parents, little league, Kevin and Riko, going on the run for eight years, his mother's death and how he ended up in Millport. He explains what everything meant to him; them, Exy, how easy it was to think about running away and how hard it was to actually do so. Neil tells them about the Moriyamas and his Uncle, but he doesn't know where he fits into the hierarchy yet.

When the first hesitant questions arrive, Neil answers them with an honesty he knows is shocking to everyone. Renee opens her mouth to speak after the questions die down but Seth beats her to it.

"Who taught you to bake?" Seth asks. Neil meets his eyes, and remembers his answer from all that time ago. _Someone I didn't want to lose._

Neil takes in a harsh breath and says, "Beverly." Her name is like a weight on his tongue, but he continues, "Her name was Beverly." Neil thinks about soft blonde hair and soft golden eyes, and her kind smile and warm attitude. "She was a chef that worked down in the kitchens. Usually if my father was gone I'd spend the day with my mum outside, but one day she just. She just put me down there with the cooks and left and I had no idea what to do."

Andrew's hand squeezes the back of his neck. Neil goes on, "Beverly was the first one to approach me. She. She was kind to me and I...hadn't really had kindness in my life a lot. She got me to help make her brownies but I," Neil lets out a chuckle, "I could hardly do anything, my hands were all cut and she had to help me every step of the way and she didn't. She didn't care." Neil closes his eyes. Opens them. Continues with a soft, "She was the first person who was ever actually nice to me."

"What happened to her?" Aaron asks.

Neil lets his face fall. He doesn't have enough strength to keep it up. Neil looks at Aaron and then around the room and then at the ground. "My father left a lot. But he always came back, eventually. I don't know what I did, but I guess he saw how close I was to her and." Neil pauses. "He took us both to the basement and I had to listen to her be tortured for a few hours. He left me in there and I had to. I had to listen to her die. She begged me to kill her and I." Neil looks up at the horrified faces, "I killed her."

There's a silence so thick it's loud. Neil continues because he can't stop now, "I remember using a shard of glass on the ground to cut her neck and I pounded on the door to be let out and my mum came in and she'd seen what I'd done and she took me and I never went in the kitchens again, and I never saw her body. I killed her." Neil finishes. His eyes are fuzzy around the edges, but he refuses to cry.

"No," Andrew says. Neil snaps his head to stare at him and Andrew says, "You _helped_ her."

Neil gazes into his eyes and lets himself believe it's true. The silence reigns the room before Kevin asks quietly, "How old were you?"

"Seven." Neil says, "I was seven."

Renee asking about the deal between Stuart and Kengo brings him back to the present.

**ⅩⅩⅩⅠ**

Kevin reluctantly agrees to outing his father and Neil heads back to his dorm and all the Foxes follow, ready to sleepover in the loungeroom. While everyone gathers their pillows, blankets and sleepwear Neil, Matt and Seth are alone for a moment.

“Things could have gone much worse,” Matt says. He gives Neil’s shoulder a careful squeeze. “You need anything, you want anything, and we’re here. Got it?”

“Okay,” Neil says.

“We mean it, shitface.” Seth says.

“I know,” Neil replies, “I’m done lying to you two. I promise.”

“It just took a whole lot of fuckery to get there,” Seth says unhelpfully, and Matt sends him a look.

Matt returns his attention to Neil, “Yeah, we know, Neil. A lot of things make sense now, actually,” He rubs his neck, “With one notable exception, of course, but I’ll leave that to Allison.”

“Hell no,” Seth says. He points at his angry black eye, “I didn’t take this from Loverboy Minyard just for Allison to get all the details and hoard them to herself.”

“Andrew gave you that?” Neil asks, surprised. He had assumed Seth had gotten his injury in the riot.

“Yeah,” Seth says drily. “He was about to kill Day for not saying who you were, and I stood in between them because I do that now, fucker.”

Matt grins, “It was pretty heroic. Until Seth went down like a muppet.”

“Har-har,” Seth grins mockingly, “You go try and stand in Minyard’s line of sight right now and block Josten and see what happens, Matt.”

Neil glances over his shoulder. Andrew hasn’t dared taken his eyes off Neil ever since they’ve returned, and now he’s sitting on the couch staring at them over the back of it. He smiles slightly at Andrew, and Neil can see Andrew let out a huff of air.

He falls asleep later, cocooned in the safety of all his Foxes, and still feels Andrew’s watchful eye as he dozes off.

**ⅩⅩⅩⅠⅠ**

Neil and Andrew shower together and Andrew fulfills a truth he told Neil back in Eden's a long few weeks ago. They speak softly throughout the day and Neil and all of the others go out for breakfast where Neil admits he wouldn't mind a vacation, to which Allison immediately plans for them all.

Kevin and Neil head to the stadium and Neil speaks to Wymack, and Wymack speaks to Neil, and Neil leaves his office as Vice Captain of the Palmetto State Foxes. He see's Abby again while Kevin tells Wymack that he's his father, and they drive back in silence, Kevin hollow-eyed and empty from his place in the passenger seat.

Neil tells the rest of the Foxes that Kevin is Coach's son, to which he gets varied responses, and soon they're all leaving for their cabin at Blue Mountains. Nicky makes the drinks for everyone while they get settled in around the house, and when Nicky see's Neil drink he lets out a scandalized gasp like he's been personally wronged.

Neil's peace breaks when he speaks with Aaron outside, and it shatters slightly more when Kevin and Dan return from their argument in steaming silence, but it comes back in small waves when, of a night, he lets Andrew kiss him until he can't think anymore.

The next day, Neil has to let his injuries air out and Renee asks no one to speak about the scars on his arms and face, and the reactions to his injuries are all mostly different. Kevin and Aaron survey them with curiosity for different reasons. Dan opens and closes her mouth. Seth and Matt go from shocked to anger in a millisecond and Allison and Nicky tear their eyes away.

Neil goes to protest when Dan shuts down the idea of Neil playing the game before semifinals, but with another glance at his wounds, he realizes maybe sitting out is not the worst thing. He trusts them to win the game.

Renee gets Andrew's keys from him in the middle of the night with the promise she'll be back with it soon. She tells them about Kengo's death and is gone to get Jean the next moment, and she returns on Sunday morning with the news. The Master was invited to the funeral but Riko was not, and he took it out on Jean, who's now staying with Abby. He's already tried to leave twice.

Neil convinces Kevin to speak to Jean, and the Foxes make their way back. Neil and Wymack speak to the press, and afterwards Neil sits back on the kitchen stools and teaches Seth and Matt how to make short cake with only his voice.

**ⅩⅩⅩⅠⅠⅠ**

There’s a knock on their dorm door on Monday afternoon.

Seth and Matt are busy playing some video game and Neil’s closest to the door, on his desk doing homework, so he gets up to answer it. Neil only has a few moments to realize it was a fairly authoritative knock before he’s opening it and coming face to face with Stuart Hatford.

He’s dressed casually, probably an attempt to seem normal in a college, but Neil knows he’s most likely armed to the teeth. He looks a lot less ruffled than when he did when he had killed Nathan, and for a moment all Neil can pinpoint is his features that look exactly like Mary’s.

His uncle’s alone—or seems to be—and he offers a small smile when he see’s Neil.

“Who is it?” Matt questions loudly. Seth cries out when he dies in the game.

“Hey,” Neil says, and waits for his roommates to look at him. They won’t be able to see Stuart from the angle they’re sitting from, but Neil had told them he was done lying. “My uncle’s here. Can we have the room?”

Matt is up in a second and nods several times. He drags Seth up and they stumble out of the lounge room. They take in Stuart who gazes back at them evenly, and then Seth squints and looks between them and Matt shoves him out of the room.

Stuart steps forward and closes the door behind him and Neil cuts straight to the point. “The deal?”

“You’ve heard about Kengo’s death, yes?” Stuart says. He steps forward and looks around the room with interest. At Neil’s nod, he says, “The few hours where no one sat upon the Moriyama throne was apparently too long. Lots of minor and major gangs have already struck at Moriyama locations, including the Bratva who have always posed a major threat.”

“What does that mean for us?” Neil asks, following his uncle. Stuart screws his face up at the tv screen. The game’s been paused, but the zombies are still visible.

“Ichirou, the Little Lord, came to the Hatfords for help. We’re already set up in a few locations here and were able to fight off the gangs for him while he reclaimed power, and now he owes us a lot of favours.” Stuart hums and reaches into his coat’s pocket. Neil tenses, but Stuart just brings out three envelops. “I checked one in and…” He glances up, and Neil meets his eyes. He taps the envelops against the counter and slides them across to Neil, “How does it feel to be a free man?”

Neil stares at him and then slowly down at the envelops. He reads each one’s name. _Kevin Day. Jean Moreau. Nathaniel Wesninski._ Their contracts.

Neil reaches out and gingerly grabs his own, soft as if it will disappear. He wants to tear it open, but Neil feels like if he does so his heart will burst from his chest. He takes a moment to regain his breathing and tears it open gently.

It’s set out in a contract format, with signatures and quotes and witnesses, and his name is written down at the bottom like he’s an object, but Neil can’t find it in himself to care, because there’s also an exceptionally large _DIVESTMENT_ stamped over the contract. He’s free.

Stuart’s not looking at him when Neil gazes up, instead looking around the room with a slightly dazed look. He says, “You’ll all have protection, and you won’t ever have to run again. All those hitmen Nathan hired to hunt you will be caught and you’ll be safe.” Stuart turns back to Neil and a frown falls in place on his face and he asks, “What’s that look for?” Neil realizes too late he’s making the face Nicky always fawns over, but he can’t stop it.

“Thank you,” Neil manages to say. Feeling free feels awfully like kissing Andrew and making an impossible goal. “How can I repay you?”

Stuart shrugs. “Talk to me over the phone. Meet some of your cousins. Invite me to your next few games. I hear you’re pretty good.” He says, and then adds slightly hesitantly, “I would like to be in your life, if you would let me.”

Neil suddenly finds it very hard to swallow. He hadn’t even known he’d had cousins. Neil says, “Yes. I would…I would like that.”

“Well, then,” Stuart says. He rubs at one eye suspiciously and continues, “You…you take care, then, kid. I’ll see you?”

“You’ll see me.” Neil confirms, and then he’s gone. Neil stares down at the envelopes and resists the sudden, inexplicable urge to jump in joy. He’s free. His name is Neil Josten, and he’s _free._

Neil puts the contracts gently in his pockets and immediately searches for Kevin; he has to tell him and Jean about their future and the life that awaits them. The pure uncertainty about the future makes Neil dizzy as he walks to Kevin’s history class. It was beautiful to not think about his death, for once in his life.

Kevin’s the last one out and pulls up short when he see’s Neil.

“I’m taking you to Abby’s,” Neil says in French, “We need to see Jean.”

“Not now,” Kevin answers, and he goes to leave. Neil catches his sleeve before he can and let’s go when Kevin tries to slap his arm.

“Yes now,” Neil says, “I just spoke to my uncle.”

Kevin makes a sound and follows Neil. They find Andrew easily and travel in silence to Abby's house, and she lets them up to see Jean when she observes whatever expressions are on their faces.

Jean startles awake when the three make their way up into his room, and immediately says, "Go away, I have nothing to say to you," when he see's his visitors. His voice is thick with loathing.

He has bruises covering his face and stitches keeping his chin and cheek together. His nose is broken, and patches in his hair are ripped out. Neil allows himself a small wave of anger before he speaks.

"What if I told you we were free?" Neil says. Andrew stops on his way to the wall to most likely lean on, and Kevin tears his eyes away from Jean to make another noise. One of Jean's eyes peak open and stare into Neil's soul.

Neil pulls the contracts out and hands Kevin his and places Jean's on his bed close enough so he wont have to outstretch his arm for it. Neil watches as they slowly open their envelopes, and searches their emotions.

"Oh," Kevin says, soft as he reads it over. Neil hands his own over to Andrew, who snatches and reads it over multiple times.

Jean doesn't do anything as he stares at his contract.

Neil continues for them, "After Kengo's death, the Moriyama throne was left vulnerable for a few hours. My uncle says it was too long, and minor and major gangs like the Bratva attacked Moriyama owned locations. Ichirou had to ask the Hatfords for help, and…” Neil gestures to the three of them, “This is one of the favours he did for my uncle.”

“I.” Kevin says, stumped. He stares at Neil with wide eyes and then looks back at his contract.

“We’ll have protection,” Neil adds, and then meets Jean’s swollen eyes, “No one’s going to hurt us again.”

Jean makes a dying animal sound and shoves his face into his hands. Kevin continues staring at his contract, and Neil watches as small smile overtakes his face and he mouths something to himself. Neil looks at Andrew and they leave the two alone.

Neil closes the door and Andrew asks, “How does it feel to be a free man?”

“Unfamiliar,” Neil says, “But I like it. I like it a lot. I’m allowed to live my life how I want. I’ll graduate Palmetto State University in four years until they force me to retire and then—” Neil cuts himself off.

“And then?” Andrew queries.

“And then I could coach or maybe even commentate. I could even open a bakery shop.” Neil says. “Animals would be allowed to come in. There would be cakes and brownies and fox biscuits and warm drinks, and maybe even one day I’ll die of old age.”

Unfamiliar. Neil likes it.

“You’re ridiculous,” Andrew says.

Neil replies with, “You could make the hot chocolates. We’ll name it after Exy.”

Andrew doesn’t say anything. Instead, he shoves the contract and the bag he’s been holding into Neil’s chest and turns and walks back down the stairs. Neil glances down at the bag and shakes it, waiting for the things to fall out, but nothing happens. Neil reaches inside and pulls out two armbands identical to Andrew’s.

He looks up at Abby’s approach. She looks at the closed door Neil’s standing in front of and then at Neil’s face. “Everything alright?” She asks.

Neil doesn’t even have to think. “Never been better.”

**ⅩⅩⅩⅠⅤ**

The Foxes react to Neil's news with a huge amount of excitement, Aaron even offering his stiff congratulations, and they go out for a celebratory dinner. Afterwards, Kevin gets Andrew and Neil to take him to the court and practices with his other hand, and Neil watches in both annoyance and awe as he tries to harness his past skills. Andrew joins him on the court and Neil observes them as they both fight within the rules of Exy.

On Thursday Neil follows Andrew to the library and holds his knives as he tells Katelyn that she can be with Aaron in a very threatening matter, and afterwards Neil asks Andrew about his hatred for the word ‘please.’ He gets told an unnerving truth and when he shows that he understands Andrew’s boundaries, he gets told an answer to the question ‘how is Andrew okay with this?’

The Foxes play against the Bearcats and Neil watches from the side-lines, his injuries stopping him from playing. He trusts his teammates to win and they do, _8-5._ Kevin talks to the press and his Inner-Neil shows, because he hounds into the Ravens and reveals that Wymack is his father and that he’s never been skiing.

At the after-party Aaron tells Neil and Nicky that he used Neil against Andrew like how Katelyn was used against him and ruins all of Neil’s concept of his relationship with Andrew, and also announces he’s switching rooms with Neil last minute.

Neil finds Andrew in his dorm and they kiss and speak and kiss some more until they have to pull back for gasps of breath.

**ⅩⅩⅩⅤ**

The next morning Thea Muldani confronts Kevin and Wymack comes by to see if Neil and Aaron are actually switching rooms. He confirms that Jean's not staying with them, and then a few hours later the Foxes are faced with the Trojans court, ready to play.

Looking at Kevin’s content face, you’d think the Foxes weren’t about to play the number-two team in the Nation.

“It was nice knowing you guys,” Seth murmurs as they all stare at the court. Neil nods and Nicky scrubs a hand down his face.

“Can you make more apple pie later, Neil?” Nicky asks quietly. Neil glances at him and slowly says, “Sure, Nicky.”

Jeremy Knox shows up and the Foxes learn that USC’s line-up has changed to match theirs, more for the Trojans benefit than the Foxes, and Neil realizes there’s no way they can’t _not_ win. Before Jeremy goes Kevin speaks to him about Jean and then the game is starting.

USC positively crushes them in the first half, but they’ve never played a full game with only nine players like the Foxes have been doing all year, and they’re burnt out before second half. Neil and Kevin make goals after goals and the final outcome is _13-9._

They shake hands with the Trojans and Neil lets it hit him; they’re going to the finals. They’re going to face the Raven’s again.

And they’re going to win.

They go to Columbia later and Andrew declines the cracker dust and Neil watches as Nicky and Aaron stares at him and feels a small burst of pride for some reason. Roland is happy to see them and accidentally reveals yet again not one, but two more secrets; he knew Andrew was gay, and he and Andrew had hooked up in the past much to Nicky and Aaron’s greying hair.

**ⅩⅩⅩⅤⅠ**

The next week is for recharging for the Edgar Allen vs PSU game and Neil spends it mostly in the kitchen with Andrew alongside him. Andrew had been given a cook book by Betsy—Neil had given him a look for that—and they spent most of their time baking new foods. When they weren’t doing that they were listening to Kevin’s rants and spending time napping and getting ready for the upcoming match.

It’s being held in Evermore, which was to be expected as it’s much larger than the Foxhole Court, and it’s one of the most anticipated sport matches of the year so the game needs all the seats it can get.

On Thursday night Kevin comes back to the dorm with a Queen tattoo and Andrew smiles for the first time since he’s came off his drugs, and Neil feels as though he’s already won.

The night of the game is hectic. Squad and security cars patrol the parking lots and the areas around Castle Evermore, and the Foxes are escorted by security guards into the stadium. The Away locker room is huge, but it’s black walls are tight and bordering.

The Edgar Allen fans up in the stands start doing a huge jumping wave, making loud clanging noises that only Nicky can be heard over. He screams when he see’s Erik and the two hug each other with such fierceness Neil has to look away.

Four of Dan’s sisters have made it, and Allison joins her in greeting them. Stephanie Walker is sitting next to Matt’s parents and Renee and Matt hug them, and Betsy Dobson is quick to join them. Aaron goes over to Katelyn and Andrew, Neil, Kevin, and Seth stay huddled together.

Or, at least Neil intended to stay with his small group until a security guard taps him on the shoulder.

“Neil Josten?” He says over the noise, “A Stuart Hatford is here to see you.”

Neil follows him into the hallway, where the noise is dimmed immeasurably. Neil spots Stuart immediately; he’s leaning against the wall and gazing up at the roof, and the security guard nods to Neil before leaving them alone.

“I thought you’d be going back to England by now,” Neil greets him with, and Stuart looks at him.

“Wanted to see your game,” He says, “And I wanted to warn you.”

Neil tilts his head, “What’s going on?”

“Eastern tower’s got Ichirou Moriyama in it. He’ll be watching tonight. The warning itself is that he may want to speak to you after, so make sure to put your charming face on.”

Neil nods and Stuart adds, “Also wanted to wish you luck as well. You’ve come a hell of a long way, kid. You and your Foxes. I’m…I am proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Neil says, “You’ll have to meet my family soon.”

Stuarts lip twitches into a smile, “I will. See you soon, kid. Knock ‘em dead.”

Neil turns and walks back to the others, and after Dan wins the coin toss Wymack gathers them up in a small cluster. He looks at them all, one face after the other and takes a deep breath.

“You all know I’m shit with this pep talk thing, but Abby threatened me with gruesome death if I didn’t at least try. If we don’t like it, let’s pretend it never happened. Deal?” At their nods, he continues, “I want you to close your eyes and think about why you’re here tonight. Don’t tell me ‘revenge’ because you’ve already gotten it just by being here tonight.”

“This isn’t about the Ravens anymore,” Wymack says, “This isn’t about the Ravens at all. This is about you. This is about everything it took you to get to this point, everything it cost you, and everyone who laughed when you dared to dream of something big and bright. You’re here tonight because you refused to give up and refused to give in. You’re here where they all said you’d never be, and no one can say you haven’t earned the right to play this game.”

“All eyes are on you. It’s time to show them what you’re made of. There’s no room for doubt, no room for second guessing and no room for error. This is your night. This is your game. This is your moment. Seize it with everything you’ve got. Pull out all the stops and lay it on the line. Fight because you don’t know how to quietly. Win because you don’t know how to lose. This king’s ruled long enough—it’s time to tear his castle down.”

The warning bell sounds overhead. “Let’s go!” Wymack claps his hands together, and all of them roar, “Foxes!” in response.

The game doesn’t start off violent, but it doesn’t take long to get there. Bodies slam together and against the court floor and walls and racquets slide across the ground and illegal hits are near. The Foxes have always been fierce, but the Raven’s are angry. They make shot after shot on Renee’s goal and Neil flinches every time.

After Half-Time Kevin walks out and switches to his left hand and the crowd roars and Kevin and Neil fight with the crowd rallying behind them. Andrew slams away shots after shots and Reacher punches Kevin and gets shoved off the court with a red-card. The Ravens go after the backliners next and Aaron and Matt start stumbling and Riko is too fast.

Riko’s too fast…but so’s Neil.

He re-enters the game as a backliner and Riko is smug when he notices, but his smile dies quickly when he can’t outrun Neil. His tricks don’t work for too long either, and minutes stretch by without anyone getting a goal.

Riko snarls something hateful and Neil laughs at him. The two go down and Neil bashes the ball to Kevin, and then they’re scored with _8-8._ The crowd screams.

The Raven’s score once more and Andrew slams his racquet against the wall in annoyance, but not long later Seth scores and they’re tied again.

Neil doesn’t even realize they were in the last minute of the game before the buzzer blares ahead, and he falls to his knees, exhausted. It’s been a long time since Neil has felt so much fatigue. He manages to raise his head and stares at the goal counter.

_10-9,_ Foxes favour. Kevin had scored in the last two seconds of the game.

Neil slowly turns his head to look up at Riko. He’s staring at the scoreboard like it will magically change, eyes wide and mouth agape. The Foxes are screaming back down on the other side of the court, and the Ravens stand still as stone.

The crowd roars, one side in denial and the other proud of the underdogs.

Neil tilts his head at Riko, and sucks in a deep that tears him apart from the inside out. “I’d ask you how it feels, but I guess you’ve always known what it’s like to be second, you worthless piece of shit.”

Riko turns to face him. His face is stunned and unreadable, but he only gazes at Neil for a second before something terrible twists his face apart. He snarls and raises his racquet, and people in the crowd start screaming in horror. Neil doesn’t have the strength to breathe anymore, much less move. Riko’s going to kill him, and the last thing Neil will ever hear is Dan’s horrified sound from the other side.

The hit is a breath away, but then another racquet rushes forward, big, and bright and orange and Andrew. He puts everything into the hit as he brings his racquet down on Riko’s forearm, and it gives a shattering _crunch_ as bone snaps in two. Riko screams as he goes down, and he stumbles backwards before falling to his knees.

Andrew stands in front of Neil and stares Riko down, and the Foxes swarm Neil and he loses sight of them both. Dan catches his face in her hands and crouches down next to him.

“Hey,” She says, “Hey, Neil, we won.”

“We won.” Neil repeats.

Dan grins. She throws her arms around his shoulders and he collapses into her, “Yeah, Neil. We won!”

**THE END**

Neil stacks his brownies in the kitchen, listening to everyone’s chatter. All of the Foxes have invaded Neil’s dorm room and are settling around the television, preparing for a movie night. Neil’s made the brownies and Andrew’s handing out the hot chocolates, and Neil’s never been happier.

They won against the Ravens in the finals, Riko Moriyama is dead, and Neil, Kevin and Jean are free men who can do whatever they want.

Neil finishes stacking the brownies on the plate and Andrew comes back into the kitchen. He’s finished handing out the hot chocolate, and he takes the plate of brownies and nods his head towards the loungeroom, a clear _get out here._

Someone turns out the lights and the sounds of a disc being put in the DVD player sounds. Neil nods and Andrew turns and shuffles into the loungeroom. Neil peeks around the corner to look at his Foxes for just a second.

Dan’s settled in between Matt and the arm of the couch, smooshed with her hot chocolate in her hands. Kevin’s sharing a too-small blanket with Seth and they’re both trying to discreetly slap each other for it. Allison and Renee are sharing a brownie and Nicky’s got three blankets wrapped around himself. Aaron’s laying out on the floor, sprawled out as far as his short limbs can go and Andrew kicks him once before comfortably sinking into one of the beanbags. Wymack’s on the other couch with Abby wrapped up next to him and Garbage has made residence over the top slope of the couch.

Neil unties his apron and hangs it up. He goes to join his family, and on the way, he grabs a brownie.

He eats it, and it tastes like something beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i hope everyone liked it! this was very fun to write   
> anyway what does everyone think about a Kong: Skull Island au next?? <33  
> thanks for reading!


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